Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
19 Reviews |
3 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 1
A film about seeing.
As a couple spends a night in a film theater, nightmares escape through the screen. Designed to be told through a single static camera, PAURA is a surrealist short horror film inspired by the works of Bunuel, Dali, and David Lynch.
As a couple spends a night in a film theater, nightmares escape through the screen. Designed to be told through a single static camera, PAURA is a surrealist short horror film inspired by the works of Bunuel, Dali, and David Lynch.
Industry Reviews
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Peer Reviews
- Is the Concept strong/original?
I genuinely didn't understand the concept too well. It didn't have much purpose and the only shock value was the word "plak" that was written in caps on the last page.
- Does the logline/first ten pages draw the reader?
The logline gave enough info, but again, there wasn't much to draw from in the story.
- Are scenes well-written?
Meh. It wasn't terribly written, but there was a lot to be desired. In 3 s...
Top Reviewer
This script is very short which could be good for a story like this, however, I get the feeling that the writer was trying to avoid spoiling the end so hard, that it made the character development non-existent.
Apparently, at 12, a baby gets born out of the death of an Angel. For the viewer, this leaves a lot of questions. There is zero explanation about any of it. Is this a private viewing? What does the movie have to do with it all? There i...
I hate all my own loglines, so please ignore my logline for this. I SUCK at loglines.
The reason for the fairs and the passes –
Honestly, the symbolism and metaphors (if they are actually there) I do not understand.
The “fear” (Pauna), doesn’t really play a part in either The Angel or Diane’s story. Diane has fear watching the film. But, it’s the growth and explosion that plays more a part of her story.
As a person who is not rel...
For a short I think it would be visually appealing. The descriptions of the angel getting tortured and Diane pain were written very well. Although the whole concept was lost on me. I never once understood David's motive, why Did he go see this movie, what did it have to do with Diane and the baby. There were a lot of questions and no answers. If that was what you were going for then I say it was a success. The writing was good, just confused on t...
Top Reviewer
It is an interesting concept for a scary short film. I didn't understand why you put this in the action line.
"We are facing the blank screen. We hear an unseen couple enter and take a seat." Who is "we"? I'm not sure if you were referring to a camera angle or just using the term "we".
I like the concept, it seems original to me. First lines actually did draw me into the story. You explained the atmosphere well, liked it. Dialouges are good, they makes me say "what the hell?". And like the pacing. For 3 pages script, it goes well. But the line that David says at the end of the script is not enough I guess. I mean there is something I can't explain about the line but it's like something is incomplete. But, liked the story!
Concept is compelling enough. Characters are interesting. Scenes are well written.
Dialogue is awesome.
Action and narrative can use some work.
The first page got me curious to keep going.
It will be better to have two distinctive names. David and Diane are similar thus confusing sometimes.
Climax is good. I didn't see it coming.
Top Reviewer
I had to read over this more than once to figure out what was going on, but that’s not a bad thing. I kind of liked being stumped on this and trying to figure it out.
I thought this was an interesting, if kind of ridicules, way to murder his wife and to get a baby. I do not know why he would have to do it this way, but that’s probably another story. I was confused by the fact that Diane was still able to talk, during what was happening to her,...
This was typed on a type-writer and scanned into a .pdf and 20-30% of the script is missing, as a result. Not that it matters too much, because there isn't really anything of substance here.
This is someone trying very hard to do their David Lynch impression in the shortest possible time-span.
At barely 3 pages, this is more of a scene, and less a screenplay.
This was typed on a type-writer and scanned into a .pdf and 20-30% of the sc...
The film is very abstract and very cryptic. Though there is a lot of imagery and symbolism (such as the angel losing its wings as well as the continuous feeling of time running out), there is a lack of concrete theme in the screenplay. The dialogue is well-written and I especially enjoyed the last line; "Hush now, my son. It's already twelve. The end has come". Despite this, I came out of the screenplay empty-handed, having not absorbed any concr...
Top Reviewer
I did not like this at all. It was WAY too over-the-top. I try not to let my religion interfere with my reviews, but being a Baptist, I almost had to stop reading it. I'm sure many horror fans would like it.
A clown named Lubu befriends a homeless man, Sammy, as they walk to a child's birthday party. At first I was not intrigued becuase the story didn't really hit right in the middle for me. But the end really surpr
ERROR_ 404 _ LOSS _ OF _...
First of all I want to say that your writing is really good, there are no errors and the dialogues are great, it's very pleasant to read your script and the coldness of David is well transcribed.
Personally, I think that the biggest problem of your script is the beginning. I really think that it would be better if you showed us the characters before entering the theatre. We don't really know the relationship of the two protagonists, are they mar...
Top Reviewer
This was probably one of the stupidest scripts I've ever read- and I've been writing movies since the age of 10, so I've had my fair share of stupid scripts. On paper, this should be a good short film- I liked the connections between the actual events and the movie they were seeing, but in reality, the execution of this script falls flat. You shine in some areas, like the symbolism in the theater, but the main problem is you tried to cut right to...
The main storyline is fine so far but needs more information and explanations as to how things work between the real world and the world where the angel in the movie is. The dialogue could be better if you made some longer than others instead of having them all very short like they are now.
I'd like to mention the fact that the names of the two main characters start with the same letter. This should never be done in scripts, especially with ma...
I like the concept a lot. I can't remember if I have seen something like it before. So, I guess it is original to me. The first few lines actually did draw me into the story about the bloodied angel curled up in the corner. Good job on that. You explained the setting very well. I'm not going to critique you on your dialogue too much since it wasn't a lot but it could be better. But everyone's dialogue can be better so don't be mad at that. The st...
Without an idea of the age and personality of David and Diane, the first 30 seconds of the script did not get me invested in the scene. I had questions of:
Was the theater empty/full? Was this a snuff film or horror that David and Diane watch?
Some formatting is needed. For example, when Diane starts screaming, the action needs to be on a separate line of the dialogue.
The 3 men in the film. Age? What are they wearing? How can we visualize t...
I felt that this was way too short. We need a little bit more to go on. There is virtually no character development. We don't know what either of them looks like. The concept was okay, it wasn't boring, but at the same time, it wasn't rather interesting. In fact, it was what you did do however, it was dialogue. I felt that it was excellent and that you know how to write what people would say. The structure of the story was also very well done and...
Top Reviewer
First of all, when you talk about the movie theater, you say EXT. in the heading, but write like they are inside the theater-Wrong.
Then you seem to have the characters speaking loudly, when at a movie theater (even at a Horror Movie) others would be shooing the characters the whole time and the Usher or Manger would be kicking them out. Then The screaming, this is another thing... At first the other viewers would think that Diane is Just scared...
Top Reviewer
