Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #3
Summary
2 Reviews |
25 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 3
In Africa, a part of the world where transgenders hide themselves forever, Victoria was no different. All her life, the one thing she wanted was to love and be loved. Her father rejected her. She had no friends growing up. Her boss set her up with her secretary who is the love of her life just because she refused to sleep with him.
Her life became a mess when her secretary left her. She tries to kill herself but survives. Finally, she gets help from a law firm to take down her boss.
Her life became a mess when her secretary left her. She tries to kill herself but survives. Finally, she gets help from a law firm to take down her boss.
Industry Reviews
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Peer Reviews
I think the story has a strong message, great concept, and a good writing voice. I'm not sure if this is a short, or the pilot for a T.V. show, but I would expand this into a feature length script because the subject matter calls for more story.
I was wanting more character development between Samantha and Victoria so we learn about their relationship, maybe they had fights before, some more intimate moments. Most of the emotional development...
This is just a way too common topic in our world today and nothing really made it pop out to me like oh wow this is something amazing. I felt that the plot was dry, the romance was more sex driven and the story was just bland.
The script in my opinion should have italics for instructions and font or type sizes for dialogue. It was hard to follow in some instances because I was trying to read the instructions but thought I was in the dialogue. I believe the transitions could be better especially if you are going from a room to a hospital delivery room. Some grammatical errors that can be cleaned up and smooth out some of the dialogue can make a great story.
In the ho...
Top Reviewer
I am going to go through this review similar to a checklist. Starting with the concept which I might say is original and not corresponding with any other movie/short story I have ever seen, but I don't watch these types of movies so I'm not sure. The logline/first ten pages drew me in mainly because I wanted to know how the character was going to commit suicide, but not because of the bathroom scene that was worthless to the story. Some scenes ar...
I really loved Victoria character. Being part of the LGBTQ community myself a lot of the fears she had and the hesitation about loving and letting someone get close to you resonated with me. I'm sure there are plenty of people regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity will connect with her.
Top Reviewer
This is a very unique and important idea for the world we are currently living in, especially with the recent pushes for title 9 reforms. I believe that the storyline is very good. Overall, it is entertaining and will keep people entertained. I feel like you have some good visuals as well.
When this gets made, it will be a struggle to find an actor/ress to play Victoria unless you want to use extensive realistic prosthetics which quickly can ge...
Although the concept of your short is not original, i.e. a transsexual person being outed at the workplace, parts of how you deliver it are original. The Flashback approach gives the script a unique perspective. There are some grammatical errors in both the action sequences and in the dialogue that would help quicken the pace of the story, however, beyond technical errors the script moves along well. Your main character Victoria might benefit fro...
Top Reviewer
So, this was filled with clichés and riddled with unrealistic and/or unnecessary dialogue. The concept was interesting, but not too original.
I never felt for her hardships since they were never fleshed out enough, just glossed over or not even approached. It may have been attributed to the pacing which was off at every point. The jumps in time felt random and weren't cohesive.
It very much read as a story set in the US (Victor, Victoria,...
Top Reviewer
