Savior-in-Chief feature

The last way President Donnie wants to spend his weekend is with his wife and kids. Who does that? He should be golfing. And Donnie definitely doesn't want to spend it in some dump of a basement like the White House security bunker, but those dirty, liberal protestors are making too much damned noise outside. So, everyone told Donnie he should just go down there and wait it out. Problem is that there are no cheeseburgers down there, no fries either, and the place looks like a Holiday Day Inn Express. "Thanks Obama. Is this the best you could do for a security bunker?" Donnie wonders. The President ruminates about how he actually became the leader of the Free World and how "doing all this stuff" really sucks. Meanwhile, the ghosts of what he calls "the greats," (Hitler, Stalin and his dad) come back to inspire him to cook up a scheme to escape: start a riot, gas the Hippies and have them take the blame as he makes his way out. As the protests reach their climax, Attorney General Bill Barr, dressed in full Nazi regalia, leads his stormtroopers into the fray and a full-on riot ensues. Barr then gasses the crowd. As the smoke clears, Donnie props up a drunken Melania and drags her to a photo-op among the wreckage. Snap: a picture of Donnie in front of a smoldering church, holding a Bible -- upside down. Victorious, President Donnie celebrates with a fat stack of cheeseburgers in the Oval Office, wondering where his two sons are. He forgot he was playing hide and seek and they're still hiding, but he's not seeking -- and he just can't seem to remember what he left down in that bunker. Oh well, at least he has his cheeseburgers, which he dives right into.