The Importance of Clowning Around short
#Comedy
By
Jacob
Smith
A clown looking for a kids birthday is harassed by a homeless man.
Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
12 Reviews |
10 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 1
While lost, looking for a birthday party, Lubu is approached by a homeless man. The man, Sammy, offers to help Lubu, as long as Lubu demonstrates his juggling. Sammy then has the idea that he will be Lubu's assistant at the party. They spend they're walk debating the idea.
Industry Reviews
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Peer Reviews
The first thing I noticed, and I think all readers will notice, is how much dialogue there is here and how little action there is here. Besides the 2 juggling scenes and the murder scene this is basically all dialogue. Have I ever even seen a movie with so much dialogue that does not develop plot as such? I'm pretty sure I haven't. Or have I even seen so much dialogue that did actually develop plot? Again, the answer is most likely no. No movie o...
It was a nice story with a cool twist. A bit unbelievable in Lubu's case, but I played along. It was VERY dialogue heavy, but the dialogue was sharp, so it didn't feel heavy.
Not sure if I'd consider this a comedy though, there were some intended laughs, but nothing I'd describe as comedic. The ending made it more of a slasher/thriller (I'm assuming he has and is gonna do some more murdering in his life).
It was well written. The pacing wa...
Top Reviewer
The dialogue is very good, and well structured to build a really fun story.
The idea of a homeless man luring a clown in by simple conversation to assume his identity for a warm afternoon and a bite to eat is very fun and original.
The character development is well done too, it's easy to understand who Lubu is as a person outside of the make-up, and Sammy's motivations, as well as his methods to achieve his goals, are clear, concise, and cle...
Top Reviewer
I would personally rate your script good for the following reasons:
THEME. If your theme was "Don't talk to strangers" then you have succeeded! It came across clearly and was conveyed in an unusual way (understand original, which is good).
STRUCTURE. You stick to a clear structure which makes your story easy to follow and effective.
CONCEPT. Your concept is interesting because of the contrast between the supposedly funny characters and the d...
Top Reviewer
The concept is very wild and I don't believe the obscurity of the story paid off. It's an unclear story with no solid themes and no intriguing direction.
The concept is strange but I gave it 'Fair' because it is indeed a creative idea. However, just because it's creative does not mean it's good. The concept of a clown on his way to a child's birthday party could be very interesting, however the execution was poor and left me feeling absolutely...
Top Reviewer
Lubu goes from annoyed to Sammy’s presence to fine with it and having conversation with him like an old friend. It just seems a little sudden.
also again, goes from annoyed to concern for Sammy's safety and then going “okay you can come”. when you force relationships like this it creates a plot hole and leaves the audience confused. It just doesn’t make too much sense
I also feel the relationship moves forward without any real friction, it ju...
A clown named Lubu befriends a homeless man, Sammy, as they walk to a child's birthday party. At first I was not intrigued becuase the story didn't really hit right in the middle for me. But the end really surpr
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This was overall a very strong and appealing script. The simplicity of the story, having two sole characters with the main setting being outdoor streets, just emphasizes how strong their dialogue is. Implied intentions of both characters are made known quickly, as are the main personality traits of the two. Lubu is a bit more indifferent and annoyed, while Sammy is eager and chatty. This pair of character traits work very well together. The devel...
Top Reviewer
Lubu the clown makes his way to his next gig when he meets Sammy, a homeless man that helps him find his way to his gig. This synopsis originally did not interest but it changed when I read it.
I’m not going to lie I thought this story was going to be completely different then what I read. I wasn’t that interested at first but it drew me in. The concept of the story is very original. It was a great story to read with a cool twist. It was a litt...
When I got to the end of the story, I thought to myself, "This is probably one of the best stories, whose timeline ACTUALLY fits its length and genre!". By this, I mean that, even though it was short, and only one individual and independent storyline takes place, it's absolutely fine, because it's a short comedy (plus a little bit of unexpected non-comdey at the end).
The overall concept of the story is pretty original. I have never seen anyth...
This, in general, is quite a nice script. I like the opening and character descriptions, these are really thorough without being over-written and really enhance the dialogue. I get a good sense of who these characters are through their dialogue.
For me, however, it is very dialoguey (but that's personal preference) - there are also long stretches with barely any action text, which implies this could be extremely static on-screen (which, if you...
Top Reviewer
I felt that this story needed to be funnier, considering how it was filed under comedy. I didn't laugh, I felt no emotion. If it is supposed to be a comedy, it needs to make me smile or laugh but this just didn't do that. I felt that this was way too short. We need a little bit more to go on. There is virtually no character development. The concept was okay, it wasn't boring, but at the same time, it wasn't rather interesting. The structure of t...
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