Great job on the script. I could only say to take a look at the story Vince is pitching and try to story board it. It might help make clear sense for a reader, and don't be afraid to be descriptive.
There is a lot of potential here. A short is under forty pages. I would recommend using that to your advantage to flesh out the story and characters. Possibly even turn it into a feature. But, that is up to you. Good luck on future drafts in your script.
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