Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
3 Reviews |
7 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 1
Mark and Amelia have a daughter named Samantha who is mortally sick. She desperately needs a heart transplant. Amelia is convinced that God will find a solution, while Mark's faith is wavering.
I am not native English, so please bear with me in case of any spelling errors.
I am not native English, so please bear with me in case of any spelling errors.
Industry Reviews
No Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
The concept could (maybe) work if better written. The ending was more of a shock than a twist, which made no sense for the direction of the whole script and character development attempted.
The scenes aren't fleshed out too well, the action lines were more overtly written than vivid. There was a whole scene of the couple's interaction which felt necessary in the moment and ended up being worse in the end with that twist.
The conflict (Sama...
Top Reviewer
Story
The story itself is intensely relatable from a readers perspective, no one wants to ever see someone they care about being in a life-limiting circumstance. What usually feel with shorts is that lack of attachment to the story, but you were able to hook me immediately at the beginning of Page 2. Which is exactly what is necessary in a short story, that early hook to invite the reader to continue to read.
The structure of the story worke...
Top Reviewer
