I think this script is pretty impactful. Your concept and story are good and the structure is great, what you're able to achieve in these few short pages is impressive. I think having the deaf character and signing instead of talking certainly adds a layer of intrigue, but you shouldn't rely on just that to bring in the originality and heartbreak.
My first suggestion would be to take the devastation feeling we (the audience) have at the end even...

1 year ago | read more...

This is a second draft of a script that I reviewed previously, so I will be commenting on the improvements, as well as things that are unique to this draft.

The premise of the script only works if the character's motivations are clear. While this draft is an improvement over the last, Jack's motivations for searching the home are still quite mysterious and don't make sense with the information that we're given--- that he's looking for evidenc...

1 year ago | read more...