Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #2
Summary
8 Reviews |
117 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 2
Nestled securely in the Malibu hills, a renowned psychologist/heir to a massive fortune has found the cure for fear; though side-effects may include death to the innocent.
Caleb is a young and passionate artist with dreams of publishing his first comic book ... Too bad he can’t make rent and is about to lose his apartment.
Grace is a talented actor and comic with dreams of landing her first big commercial audition … Too bad she can’t stand up to her overbearing boss or turn down every shitty job she’s offered.
When Caleb and Grace are each offered an incredibly lucrative one-night job, neither of them can turn it down. $400 for three hours of work, dressing like horror film characters to scare the hell out of a mansion full of rich socialites. What could possibly go wrong?
Caleb and Grace and a misfit group of performers head to the mansion for an evening of thrills and fun. But the facade is quickly smashed when, one-by-one, the guests start trying to murder them, and the party is revealed to be a sadistic administration of immersion therapy for the rich and famous.
The performers must now fight for their lives, trapped in the grounds of the mansion and being hunted by an army of armed party-goers and private security guards.
As the night wears on, it becomes clear to Caleb and Grace that escape is impossible and surviving means killing or being killed. After getting the jump on one of the hosts, Caleb, now armed, takes the fight to the guests.
After taking out multiple guests and security guards, Caleb is overpowered and forced to flee by a heavily-armed party-goer in a bullet-spackled chase to the mansion’s roof. Grace, meanwhile, is trapped in a deadly game of hide-&-seek after a power outage plunges the mansion into darkness. In a climactic merging of the two conflicts that results in the totally awesome yet extremely practical and cost-effective destruction of a skylight swimming pool, Caleb and Grace finally come face to face with the party’s host and benefactor, Dr. Brandt.
Shot up, and beat down, can Caleb and Grace overcome their nemesis and achieve their freedom?
Caleb is a young and passionate artist with dreams of publishing his first comic book ... Too bad he can’t make rent and is about to lose his apartment.
Grace is a talented actor and comic with dreams of landing her first big commercial audition … Too bad she can’t stand up to her overbearing boss or turn down every shitty job she’s offered.
When Caleb and Grace are each offered an incredibly lucrative one-night job, neither of them can turn it down. $400 for three hours of work, dressing like horror film characters to scare the hell out of a mansion full of rich socialites. What could possibly go wrong?
Caleb and Grace and a misfit group of performers head to the mansion for an evening of thrills and fun. But the facade is quickly smashed when, one-by-one, the guests start trying to murder them, and the party is revealed to be a sadistic administration of immersion therapy for the rich and famous.
The performers must now fight for their lives, trapped in the grounds of the mansion and being hunted by an army of armed party-goers and private security guards.
As the night wears on, it becomes clear to Caleb and Grace that escape is impossible and surviving means killing or being killed. After getting the jump on one of the hosts, Caleb, now armed, takes the fight to the guests.
After taking out multiple guests and security guards, Caleb is overpowered and forced to flee by a heavily-armed party-goer in a bullet-spackled chase to the mansion’s roof. Grace, meanwhile, is trapped in a deadly game of hide-&-seek after a power outage plunges the mansion into darkness. In a climactic merging of the two conflicts that results in the totally awesome yet extremely practical and cost-effective destruction of a skylight swimming pool, Caleb and Grace finally come face to face with the party’s host and benefactor, Dr. Brandt.
Shot up, and beat down, can Caleb and Grace overcome their nemesis and achieve their freedom?
Industry Reviews
No Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
Very well written script with little to no errors, good concept, great character development and action.
Concept: Its a good concept with a nice spin on the idea of being locked in a location with crazed killers. I really enjoyed the idea of a crazy psychologist attempting to "treat" his patients by having them kill their fears. It takes the "facing fear to overcome it" to another level which is novel and interesting. It was a well executed co...
Top Reviewer
The writing is sharp. Clean, moves forward. Tight.
I liked being brought into this world. Cool house. You do a lot with it.
Good work quickly developing your characters. I’m pulling for these people and I’m relieved when Caleb and Grace finally get out of there.
Each character’s personality is different and established quickly.
Russell is amusing.
Rebecca is likeable. (Her telling Vickie that she’s going to make it...
Top Reviewer
Page 1: A brief physical description of Caleb and Samuel would be helpful. Ooh, a Junji Ito reference. Love the imagery in his manga. Hopefully, some of that cosmic horror vibe comes through in the script.
Page 6: You’ve labeled this as a horror script. So far nothing vaguely scary or unsettling has occurred. It’s standard for the very first scene to establish the horror tone but so far this feels more like a standard coming-of-age drama. I’m al...
Top Reviewer
I’ve been reading other reviews here and most of them deal with story rather than format or style. I’m sure that most writers prefer to know if their concept and story is a good one up front and are willing to fix the format/style issues down the road. I need to explain why this is ass backwards: Format problems at best make a script laborious to read and at worst impossible to understand. It’s like trying to read a book with incorrect grammar an...
Top Reviewer
I really enjoyed your story, here are a couple of my notes about what I really liked, and what could possibly be tweaked.
Everything was good to excellent besides character development. I understand that it's a horror movie, so there isn't usually much time to develop characters, but it would be nice to know a bit more about the two main characters and even the antagonists. I'd love to know why Brandt was initially motivated to create a killi...
Top Reviewer
Let me first say that as a whole I liked it very much. I haven't seen your previous drafts but it is clear you've spend a lot of work on this. It has much much potential and an original idea in my eyes. I'll try to stick only to the things I didn't like about it. First is not a mistake in my eyes but maybe something you should consider which is-starting the real part of the script too late. I think they got in the house around the 30th page and i...
Top Reviewer
