Man on the Phone
A careless young man finds his life falling apart after encountering a mysterious hooded stranger.
Jonathan Brooks is an irresponsible man whose life is slipping through his fingers. To makes matters worse, a mysterious stranger in a hood begins to follow him around town, always appearing to be talking on the phone. As Jonathan struggles to find his place in the world, the hooded stranger appears wherever he least expects it. He slowly begins to tear apart Jonathan’s life bit by bit, eventually forcing him to confront a deadly old secret.
I thought the concept was terrific and really hooked me into the script. Immediately we see Jonathan, a guy not in a great place being stalked by phone calls and the Stranger. Jonathan is really rattled, and it drew me in, and kept me guessing all the way until the end. I really liked the way also that you’ve written some of the action so that there are surreal, dream-like moments, which may be real or not, but visually are really clear...
That said, I feel...
The theme of crime and punishment and eye for an eye approach makes the story a little bit flat – Jonathan didn’t learn anything, fight or change, and we know Williams intentions from page 1.
Jonathan, as a character, is a little bit flat. He doesn`t show any signs of remorse even at the end. We don`t know what he actually wants. We only know what Williams wants, and it looks more that the whole story is his journey.
You also did something interesting that during this whole of mystery of "Who is the S...
I recommend using; scene 1, 2, 3 and etc.
Many teenagers move on from youthful exuberance to pursue a career. But, Jonathan got hooked on alcohol which ruined his life and cause misery to victims of his drunken lifestyle.
His parents, his landlord and Mr Williams.
Mr Williams took laws into his hands and decided to go after the drunk driver that hit Sammie Williams.
Jonathan lived in fe...