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The Photograph

short
By Marlon Schwiersch
Mystery/Suspense,Horror,Thriller

One simple photograph can change a person's life, for better or worse.

Approved
Peer Rating: 60%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 2: 60%
Draft 1: 53%
2 Reviews | 9 pages | 1 week ago | Draft 2

Summary

A boy finds a picture of a beautiful girl one day at school. The girl in the photograph is holding her hand up with two fingers extended to make a peace sign. He asks around but absolutely no one has ever seen or heard of her. One night, he hears a knock at his window followed by a girl giggling. He goes outside with the photo and follows the giggling, which seems to come from the woods across the street. When he crosses the street, he is immediately struck and killed. The driver tries to help him but it's too late. Lying on the road away from the body is the photograph, of a very beautiful girl, holding up three fingers.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

This is a well-structured story in which you are trying to explore the first signs of puberty. It seems that the attractive girl's photo is cursed, and that's why the main character is killed at the end of the story (I cannot think of any other reason). As soon as I read your description, I was immediately transported to Japanese anime (Death Note,...) or a children's show (Gravity Falls), so I recommend you make it into an animation. I think one...

3 days ago | read more...
Sepehr Golmakani Top Reviewer
Here were my thoughts on your script:

1. Concept - I liked the concept you went with. More of a mystery horror/thriller instead of a basic horror and you seemed to have fun with it.

2. Story - I feel like this is where the script falls flat for me unfortunately. It could be my fault since I binge watch horror a lot, but the ending and climax were pretty predictable. I think it could've been a more out of the box ending where he somehow gets...

1 hour ago | read more...
Cyle Brooks Top Reviewer
So, I just read a short horror script called The Photograph. On a scale of 1 to 10, my verdict is a 20! Personally, I think the script could be a feature film rather than a short film. Some of the best short scripts that are written could eventually end being written as a feature-length film. For example, The Babadook was a short horror film in the beginning but later on became a feature film. The movie Lights Out was a short horror movie that w...

2 weeks ago | read more...
Hunter Huiet Top Reviewer
Overall, I think this script tells an amazing story with a crazy plot twist at the end that literally made me gasp when I read it. The events throughout the story flow nicely with the pace with which it is read, so that's really good too. However, the characters need a little more time on the page/screen with more description written in the script so the reader/viewer can relate to them more, making the story more engaging for whichever is the in...

1 week ago | read more...
Let me start by saying that this script has a great twist. I sincerely enjoyed it. However, I found it very difficult finish.
There a several glaring issues with the structure of this screenplay. Starting off, your action blocks are WAY to big. You have a lot of fat that need trimmed.
Get rid of any line that directs the camera. Your job is to WRITE the story, not direct it. Let the action blocks dictate the camera.
As far as your scenes are...

1 week ago | read more...
Grant Miller Top Reviewer

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