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The First Mage

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By mike harper
Sci-Fi/Fantasy

In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle evil to save his people.

Approved
Peer Rating: N/A
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 3: 20%
Draft 2: 53%
0 Reviews | 70 pages | 6 months ago | Draft 5

Summary

(Revised script) The Mage is an epic tale of magic and family. Enosh, the progenitor mage travels a world where fallen angels and monsters struggle for control of the new world. But when fate hurtles him toward a succubus and her Fallen lovers to save his people's life, he battles insurmountable foes.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

Concept - Good
Characters - Fantastical and larger than life.
Story - Two fallen angels Shemhazai and Azazel battle Enosh, a human Mage who fights them to save his wife's life.
Plot/structure - Good versus evil.A moral lesson about the evil of excess and debauched living.
Scenes - Generally structured okay, some formatting errors.
Theme - Strength comes from inside. Family is everything.
Genre - Fantasy
Pacing - It moves along at a good...

1 year ago | read more...
The premise of your story is good: action from the first scene to the last. I was immediately drawn into your main character, Enoch, and his role engendered empathy, righteous anger, vengeance, hope, and more emotions than I care to list. The dark goddess, Naamah, and the two fallen angels engendered the opposite emotional responses. All of which I credit to your writing skill. The cast of characters—in Enoch’s village and in Naamah’s lair—suppor...

1 year ago | read more...
D Ray Van Top Reviewer

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