Malled to Death
Minimum wage employees at a failing mall try to keep up with a crazy manager, power hungry security guard, and all the strange customers in-between.
After Amanda is caught in a lawsuit, she secretly plans a string of pranks under the nose of newly installed security cameras.
What needs thinking about is the setup and precinct. Is this primarily about The Frozen Pebble and Amanda trying to keep her shop alive or about the mall and Myrtle trying to control all the workers there? For me, using both does mean the concept feels a little confused and busy.
You’re still a little short. For a half hour of television, you need about 23 pages minimum. Your cold open act is perfect length, though. Your third act is only six pages, so maybe longer there.
It would help to utilize other types of sluglines to indicate visual elements: ESTABLISHING to show wh...
1. Concept - I absolutely love that you went with this concept of a struggling manager trying to get through a crazy day and then getting called in to deal with more craziness. It's definitely realistic.
2. Story - Just like the concept, it's very relatable and realistically played out, all while also being over the top and hitting the comedy right on the spot. The story was very funny and enjoyable and...