Wanna See
2

Malled to Death

television
By Claire B
Comedy

Minimum wage employees at a failing mall try to keep up with a crazy manager, power hungry security guard, and all the strange customers in-between.

Approved
Winner
Draft #1
Peer Rating: N/A
Industry Rating: 60%
Draft 2: 53%
Draft 1: 67%
1 Reviews | 35 pages | 4 months ago | Draft 4

Summary

After Amanda is caught in a lawsuit, she secretly plans a string of pranks under the nose of newly installed security cameras.

Industry Reviews

MALLED TO DEATH was a fun read with great humor and dialogue, and interesting and unique characters though some had elements that were a little derivative.

What needs thinking about is the setup and precinct. Is this primarily about The Frozen Pebble and Amanda trying to keep her shop alive or about the mall and Myrtle trying to control all the workers there? For me, using both does mean the concept feels a little confused and busy.

Furthe...

4 months ago | read more...
Blaise Hesselgren Top Reviewer

Peer Reviews

The title is very clever. So this is a half-hour sitcom along the lines of Superstore? I assume the vending machine is going to be a running gag!

You’re still a little short. For a half hour of television, you need about 23 pages minimum. Your cold open act is perfect length, though. Your third act is only six pages, so maybe longer there.

It would help to utilize other types of sluglines to indicate visual elements: ESTABLISHING to show wh...

5 months ago | read more...
Matt Gorman Top Reviewer
Here were my thoughts on your script:

1. Concept - I absolutely love that you went with this concept of a struggling manager trying to get through a crazy day and then getting called in to deal with more craziness. It's definitely realistic.

2. Story - Just like the concept, it's very relatable and realistically played out, all while also being over the top and hitting the comedy right on the spot. The story was very funny and enjoyable and...

5 months ago | read more...
Cyle Brooks Top Reviewer
When first reading the script as a live-action, I found it to be a bit boring. A few pages in, I decided to view it as an adult animation and thought it added a bit more wonder to the show while also giving it more potential. The concept is simplistic and straight forward which is cool cause you can get into the show right away. Overall, I think this actually has some legs to it, and if you consider my animation suggestion you could make it a bit...

5 months ago | read more...

Recommended for You

The Party Emporium, an underground sex trafficking and drug cartel that operates as a one-stop party company for Los Angeles's elites, goes to war with Caesar, a sociopathic drug lord with a god complex.
Tidal High
television
Welcome to Tidal High, where drama and love is always happing. Follow along with Jacob, Samson, Holly and Ruby as they navigate their way through high school with their teacher Courtney Garcia.