SVF: Reborn (First 15) short
#Action/Adventure #Horror #Thriller
By
Cyle
Brooks
Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #1
Summary
12 Reviews |
15 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 1
After demon-slaying anti-hero Shadow Vile Figure (aka SVF) has taken down and defeated several strange and unusual monsters, Mayor Griffon tasks him to protect his niece, Veronica, as she has become the number one target of the world's most feared enemy: Satan himself.
Rated R for frenetic sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore throughout, pervasive language, sexual content and some drug references.
Rated R for frenetic sequences of strong bloody horror violence and gore throughout, pervasive language, sexual content and some drug references.
Industry Reviews
REBORN is a script with an interesting world and a great genre blend of horror, supernatural, and noir. It’s got a great, intriguing main character in SVF, and shows a dark and bloody world while hinting at high stakes, but does need clarity on a number of points.
Firstly, is SVF protector of all humans or specifically of Veronica (I would advise against both as that will muddy the water and split the audience's attention). Secondly, what are...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
First let me say that this is technically a really well written screenplay. The main character SVP seems a really interesting and complex character. Not your typical superhero. Although the script I read seems taken out of a feature film, since it is cut at the end. I would really hope to see it some day on the screen.
Some things I noticed along the way:
1-The dialogue in general is a bit off. Especially on the first two pages, it is a on t...
Top Reviewer
I had fun with your first fifteen pages because you have a clear grasp of the style of film you're making, calling on a comic action vernacular that is reminiscent of films in the early 2000s. (Shoot 'em Up, Underworld, The Spirit)
I have outlined some technical errors below because I think it is important to separate feedback into chunks: Mechanics, Story. I hope in this way you can take and apply the feedback that resonates and ignore the o...
Top Reviewer
I'll start off by saying that I really enjoyed how descriptive your scenes were. Page one especially, all the blood and guts reminded of the doom and diablo games.
I think the dialogue in general was solid, I just have one small suggestion for Pg. 3. When the Lycan tells SVF that he's grown much stronger, that entire line of dialogue just felt a little hokey. I would advise rewording that sentence and make it sound more natural, but other tha...
Top Reviewer
Hi, Cyle I really enjoyed getting to read your story and am excited with the direction you're going to take it. Here were my thoughts on your script:
I noticed your script relies a lot on the visual aspect to help move the story along. (I like to do this as well)
I do wish that in the first 5 pages, I was able to understand the relationship between SVF and the Lycan Cerberus a little more. It's clear they have fought each other before. Mayb...
Top Reviewer
I have no idea what I just read but I kinda liked it.
I’m not really familiar with horror genre but I can only assume your going for a B-movie slasher vibe. At first I was like what the fuck is this? But as I continued reading, the script was clearly trying to have fun with horror movie conventions and I enjoyed it, I think it has a great sense of humour to it. I love the fact that in this world Satan wears a purple Tuxedo and black slacks, t...
Top Reviewer
If the first test is: "can the person write", then you have passed that test. It is clear that the writer knows his world, his characters, and what he is doing with them. The dialogue fit the tone of the piece, the action scenes were clear and exciting. This seems to be some sort of fantasy world in which monsters and beasts intermingle with local politicians and stupid horny teenagers. That's fine. I don't know where this is going or wheth...
Top Reviewer
Sorry I'm gonna be really honest here. I'm no professional btw.
Couldn't follow what was going on. (Although I do have ADHD tbf.) I kept almost getting hooked but not for long and it fizzled out. I think it was a bit boring because it rellies on us caring about characters who are stock but nothing more. The main guy seemed too generic. I don't know if this is just me but the fight scenes don't make me feel much at all. Probably because you hav...
I am simply going to go through the script page by page with my honest thoughts. To begin with, I think the first scene was probably the worst-written of all of them, which is a shame as I thought the rest was actually written really well however someone considering your screenplay may have been put off straight away. I felt 'Lycan Cereberus could have done with more description, was he a dog or a werewolf, if so why has he got so much small talk...
Unfortunately there are so many movies about werewolves, vampires, superheroes and so on that it's going to be hard to be original in that topic but still I found the story up until now intriguing due to well described places, the main character and his purpose in life seems to be clear but not what is going to be his obstacle because there has to be one of course. The back up story is a good idea because it shows where the character comes from a...
Top Reviewer
Hello,
I myself am a horror fan and this I really liked. I appreciate horror stories that go all the way with its genre.
Obviously a few things grammar wise need working on. Such as put a hyphen in between late teens (late-teens). Also your script descriptions can be smoothened such as:
Faint footsteps are heard, distracting the beast from finishing its meal
Try
Faint footsteps distract the beast from it’s meal.
Also, on your h...
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