REBORN is a script with an interesting world and a great genre blend of horror, supernatural, and noir. It’s got a great, intriguing main character in SVF, and shows a dark and bloody world while hinting at high stakes, but does need clarity on a number of points.

Firstly, is SVF protector of all humans or specifically of Veronica (I would advise against both as that will muddy the water and split the audience's attention). Secondly, what are...

6 months ago | read more...

First let me say that this is technically a really well written screenplay. The main character SVP seems a really interesting and complex character. Not your typical superhero. Although the script I read seems taken out of a feature film, since it is cut at the end. I would really hope to see it some day on the screen.
Some things I noticed along the way:
1-The dialogue in general is a bit off. Especially on the first two pages, it is a on t...

7 months ago | read more...

I had fun with your first fifteen pages because you have a clear grasp of the style of film you're making, calling on a comic action vernacular that is reminiscent of films in the early 2000s. (Shoot 'em Up, Underworld, The Spirit)

I have outlined some technical errors below because I think it is important to separate feedback into chunks: Mechanics, Story. I hope in this way you can take and apply the feedback that resonates and ignore the o...

7 months ago | read more...

I'll start off by saying that I really enjoyed how descriptive your scenes were. Page one especially, all the blood and guts reminded of the doom and diablo games.

I think the dialogue in general was solid, I just have one small suggestion for Pg. 3. When the Lycan tells SVF that he's grown much stronger, that entire line of dialogue just felt a little hokey. I would advise rewording that sentence and make it sound more natural, but other tha...

7 months ago | read more...

Hi, Cyle I really enjoyed getting to read your story and am excited with the direction you're going to take it. Here were my thoughts on your script:

I noticed your script relies a lot on the visual aspect to help move the story along. (I like to do this as well)

I do wish that in the first 5 pages, I was able to understand the relationship between SVF and the Lycan Cerberus a little more. It's clear they have fought each other before. Mayb...

7 months ago | read more...

I have no idea what I just read but I kinda liked it.

I’m not really familiar with horror genre but I can only assume your going for a B-movie slasher vibe. At first I was like what the fuck is this? But as I continued reading, the script was clearly trying to have fun with horror movie conventions and I enjoyed it, I think it has a great sense of humour to it. I love the fact that in this world Satan wears a purple Tuxedo and black slacks, t...

7 months ago | read more...

If the first test is: "can the person write", then you have passed that test. It is clear that the writer knows his world, his characters, and what he is doing with them. The dialogue fit the tone of the piece, the action scenes were clear and exciting. This seems to be some sort of fantasy world in which monsters and beasts intermingle with local politicians and stupid horny teenagers. That's fine. I don't know where this is going or wheth...

6 months ago | read more...

Sorry I'm gonna be really honest here. I'm no professional btw.

Couldn't follow what was going on. (Although I do have ADHD tbf.) I kept almost getting hooked but not for long and it fizzled out. I think it was a bit boring because it rellies on us caring about characters who are stock but nothing more. The main guy seemed too generic. I don't know if this is just me but the fight scenes don't make me feel much at all. Probably because you hav...

6 months ago | read more...

I am simply going to go through the script page by page with my honest thoughts. To begin with, I think the first scene was probably the worst-written of all of them, which is a shame as I thought the rest was actually written really well however someone considering your screenplay may have been put off straight away. I felt 'Lycan Cereberus could have done with more description, was he a dog or a werewolf, if so why has he got so much small talk...

6 months ago | read more...

Unfortunately there are so many movies about werewolves, vampires, superheroes and so on that it's going to be hard to be original in that topic but still I found the story up until now intriguing due to well described places, the main character and his purpose in life seems to be clear but not what is going to be his obstacle because there has to be one of course. The back up story is a good idea because it shows where the character comes from a...

6 months ago | read more...

Concept: The concept seems a bit different from your regular immortality based story. The start was a bit gripping and the fight was too.

Story: Although the story establishes the main character early, it’s quite clear what the objective is, but It did keep me engaged to want to find out.

Structure: your structure formatting was well done painting a good picture of each scene, but the main character seems to lack an obstacle, I’m sure this...

5 months ago | read more...

Hello,

I myself am a horror fan and this I really liked. I appreciate horror stories that go all the way with its genre.

Obviously a few things grammar wise need working on. Such as put a hyphen in between late teens (late-teens). Also your script descriptions can be smoothened such as:

Faint footsteps are heard, distracting the beast from finishing its meal

Try

Faint footsteps distract the beast from it’s meal.

Also, on your h...

5 months ago | read more...