Wanna See
0

Promise

short
By Christopher Doran
Thriller,Mystery/Suspense,Drama

A forgotton lover returns from beyond the grave to keep a long ago made promise.

Approved
Winner
Draft #2
Peer Rating: 79%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 2: 79%
7 Reviews | 4 pages | 6 months ago | Draft 2

Summary

A promise made is a promise kept. Two strangers meet at the gravestone of the dearly departed - a mourning lover, and a long-lost sister. Somebody has made a promise they intend on keeping.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

The mystery element and the drama is really set up well throughout the story, bringing some interesting potential to really turn everything around and introduce potential, exciting twists that will make the story cool to read. I like the characters of Thelia and Candice, who have interesting potential of becoming well developed, strong characters if the whole thing were to continue later. The character of Darren/Darren's impostor is very intrigui...

6 months ago | read more...
Advait Dantuluri Top Reviewer
Story was written in a really gripping way. The scene was nice and crisp with perfect dialogues that are imaginable over a screen. The twist reveal was also good. But the intention of the story was not clear. What the writer wants the audience to take away at the end? What was the promise ELISE made with DARREN? Is it that she will be together with him always and yet she lived after he died 10 years back (or) is it Darren who killed her the same...

6 months ago | read more...
sanjeev kumar Top Reviewer
How many people can hold conversation with someone in the graveyard to discover that the other one has been deceased for years. This is premise doesn't sound as spooky or paranormal as it aooears. Rather, the spirit has returned out of a promise filled with love. Here we meet Darren. He grieves over the grave for Elise. We are left to question if they were friends and/or lovers before Elise's death. The pocketwatch is a nice additional cue to put...

6 months ago | read more...
mike harper Top Reviewer
From the moment it begins, it easily brings you into the atmosphere and if imagined with music and visual atmosphere it can be a good short. It never drags and you quite never feel like the characters are being forced to say what the writer wants them to say.It's definitely the best that can be done with the "they were dead the whole time" concept. I couldn't help but roll my eyes when it was said and I thought it was kind of obviuos from the sta...

5 months ago | read more...
This script is very good. I will be completely honest when I saw that it was only 4 pages my expectations were extremely low, I was pleasantly surprised. In fact as someone who spends most of their time in writing shorts, this is a master class in short film writing, and I would love to make it but that's besides the point. I love how even in your synopsis you preserve the twist. As I was reading I was sure that somehow Candice would be Elise, I...

5 months ago | read more...
This short film puts an incredible amount of detail in the length that It is set at. In four pages, we get to know thoroughly about the three main characters.The dialogue is smooth, and natural, while also being meaningful. Every line within the four pages seems like it has a specific purpose, and a role to play in the overall outlook of the story. The twist shocked me to my core, and I felt as though I was extremely invested in what would happen...

5 months ago | read more...
Owen McKendry Top Reviewer
Such an interesting concept. The story starts out fairly simple and fast paced, which works out very well in this case due to the twist ending. With that being said, woah, what a chilling twist. It really goes to show that a simple story paired with a twist such as the one used really helps make short stories one of the more interesting ways of conveying emotions to readers in a very efficient way. I feel that this is due to the dreary mood that...

5 months ago | read more...

Recommended for You

This screenplay is a journey through Martin Luther's life to give us historical facts as well as insights into his reformation. Whether or not the events of his lifetime could have influenced the Holocaust is left for the reader to decide.
A ghostly, demon like X-Men type story with the beginning starts in a foggy day. Then a girl has an X-men demon type experience.
An avid filmmaker, after receives negative reviews from critics, suspects that a cameraman is secretly chasing and filming him.