Wanna See

Tainted Souls (First 15)

By Cyle Brooks

A tale of abuse, hatred and vengeance

Draft #1
Peer Rating: 42%
Industry Rating: N/A
4 Reviews | 15 pages | 11 months ago | Draft 1


Partially based on a true story.

Chris is in an abusive relationship with his girlfriend, Allison. After realizing how much trouble he's gonna be in if they get married, he ends it right then and there. But when he discovers the truth about Allison's double life, he takes justice into his own hands.

R for strong brutal sadistic violence and torture including cruel and abusive behavior throughout, strong sexual content/graphic nudity, pervasive language, and some drug use.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

The story is pretty decent, although it doesn't match up with the summary, taking a more generic route trying to build up to the scare. It makes sense since this is only the "First 15", but normally it's a good idea to hook your audience with the interesting element, kind of like what you did with Mad Talent and Have A Laugh.

The characters, while somewhat interesting, don't really pipe interest and come off as somewhat generic. They seem like...

11 months ago |
Advait Dantuluri Top Reviewer
Chris is an interesting character and as he develops he becomes even more so. The story in the first fifteen pages is engaging and it has a dark tone that keeps you reading. There are a lot of grammatical issues in this draft that should be addressed as well as format and structure issues. Make sure you bring everything into the active form instead of the possessive. It is also very important to be as concise with your action descriptions as pos...

10 months ago |
Timothy Boissey Top Reviewer
Hi. I only have a few suggestions starting with the second page
"A messed up bed with dirty clothing sitting at the end is
back against a wall, centered to face the television on its
stand straight across.
The stand has several plastic wrappers and various minuscule
pieces of trash littered as a horror movie plays on the TV.
CHRIS BARNS (19), slender, long dark brown hair, and black
glasses, slouches on his bed in his filthy pajamas as he...

10 months ago |
A slender transvestite employee with a shaved head
approaches Chris at the counter with a bottle of soda. Their
name-tag reads "TREY." - the correct label would either be trans man or trans woman but aside from the shaved head you don't really describe how he, she or they is trans, honestly the way the character is described is more of a androgynous vibe than a trans vibe so perhaps you'll want to do more research when incorporating these types...

10 months ago |
E Hamilton Top Reviewer

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