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Entitled

feature
By Xzilez
Thriller

Three people wake up in a room with no doors or windows. They notice a casket at the far side of the room with three locks and a timer counting down. They must figure out why they are there and what happens when the timer reaches zero.

Approved
Nominee
Draft #1
Peer Rating: 57%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 5: 57%
Draft 3: 47%
Draft 1: 43%
2 Reviews | 78 pages | 7 months ago | Draft 5

Summary

My name is Russell Davis and I am looking for a manager or producer that can help expand my writing career. I'm posting my script here to see if anyone is interested in my script, Entitled. Entitled was featured as an amateur offering on script shadow and has received positive reviews from readers.









Entitled is written along the lines of films such as "Saw," "Phone Booth," and "Cube." My overall goal is to turn this into a franchise like "Paranormal Activity."









The story starts when Shawn awakes in an enclosed room, not knowing how he got there and why. He notices two other people in the room. Upon waking up Paul they try to figure out what is happening. They discover a casket with three locks attached to it and a timer counting down. This makes them panic, wondering what could be in the casket. Paul tries to act calm, but Shawn is giving him a hard time.









Soon, things start appearing and disappearing at a whim. They then find an ax with a word carved into it, evil. This makes them very uneasy; especially since the third person is unable to wake. Upon finding information about each other, they learn that they aren't good people. Shawn slept with his brother’s wife and Paul is an alcoholic. With this new found information Paul doesn't want Shawn anywhere near the ax and takes hold of it himself.









They each start questioning their lives and self-made choices, wondering if this is some form of punishment. The other person finally wakes up, only to discover that something has taken her voice. She becomes frantic and doesn’t trust either one of them. She gets hold of the ax and tries to kill them, but Paul is able to calm her down. Soon, they learn that she has also done immoral things. She was a prostitute in prison before awaking as a voiceless woman.









Together they investigate the room, looking for clues they may have missed. The Sleeping Beauty, as they call her, discovers a picture of Shawn standing over them with the bloody ax. Shawn tells them that isn’t possible because he’s not a cold bloodied killer. Shawn soon realizes that something supernatural is taking place when a voice swoops him away and talks to him while the others are nowhere to be found.









Paul and the Sleeping Beauty soon learn that something supernatural is taking place as well because the same thing happens to them. An unknown entity is plotting them against each other for unknown reasons. It tells them that they have until the timer reaches zero to kill each other or face its wrath. As the timer counts down they are tested by a supernatural force that enjoys playing mind games and stealing their senses. They must figure out what it truly wants before the timer reaches zero and the entity rises.









I believe the riveting suspense, mind games, and high stakes in “Entitled” will appeal to a very wide audience and will make a great low budget franchise that will challenge the genre. Please let me know if I can send you the script and thanks for your time and consideration.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

These were my thoughts for your script:

1. Concept - The Escape room concept has been done to death practically, no thanks to 2017-18 making it a trending thing to do in Hollywood and Indie, but you did put some nice twists in there.

2. Story - The story was for sure a good one. It wasn't just a torture porn with excessive gore or a plotless survival thriller with anticlimactic tension. The buildups used actually led to some good intense sc...

7 months ago | read more...
Cyle Brooks Top Reviewer
Hi I don't have much a critique aside from a few things so I will just jump right on in. Your structure is actually pretty good, you just need more transitions such as; DISSOLVE TO:, CUT TO: etc. If you use any sort of screenwriting software I would just suggest using a template it'll help you out a lot. I think your characters are good. I like Shawn and I like the dialogue however you might want to be mindful of the wording used in the descripti...

6 months ago | read more...
Micro-budget horror movies if done right can be lucrative. This script has an inventive concept that I believe works in today’s market. It is for a particular demographic; I do not believe that I fit that demo but I do love horror movies and I believe I can offer an opinion on what I believe works/doesn’t work with the script.

The two main characters feel a bit similar to each other. Their dialogue is frat boyish, which is okay for this type...

9 months ago | read more...
Teigh Reed Top Reviewer
Entitled is a good idea and a nice take on this type of enclosed thriller or horror with a supernatural element that in a way gives it some originality. And I get what the writer was trying to do with the piece and if it was executed better on the page it might just work, which is something to think about on that rewriting path. But unfortunately, this particular draft falls short of that execution in my view, not to say that I'm right, I'm just...

9 months ago | read more...
Damian R Top Reviewer
Concept
Three people in a sealed room with casket and a ticking clock. It’s a simple concept, but it’s a strong image and immediately creates strong intrigue in the reader. Who are the people? What’s in the casket? What happens when the clock reaches zero? Immediately you’ve got those nagging questions set-up within the first ten pages or so which draw a reader in. You make a point in the script where Shawn says that he’s in a saw remake, and it...

9 months ago | read more...
Richard Stirland Top Reviewer

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