Graduation
feature
A university porter is embroiled in an investigation when a student overdoses on a legal drug.
Approved
Nominee
Draft #1
Draft #1
1 Reviews |
85 pages |
1 year ago
|
Draft 1
Summary
Looking for general feedback on the premise, structure, pacing and dialogue.
Industry Reviews
Peer Reviews
embroiled in an investigation when a student overdoses on a legal drug.
The initial pacing felt slow to me. Jordan starts on the hunt for a parcel. Whatever is in the package are important, but not important enough to enlist the porter's assistance to find out who it has it by mistake. When Jordan arrives at Daniel's flat, the script says Daniel knows Jordan, but the dialogue nor body language didn't show me that visually. Throughout the hunt...
The initial pacing felt slow to me. Jordan starts on the hunt for a parcel. Whatever is in the package are important, but not important enough to enlist the porter's assistance to find out who it has it by mistake. When Jordan arrives at Daniel's flat, the script says Daniel knows Jordan, but the dialogue nor body language didn't show me that visually. Throughout the hunt...
9 months ago
|
read more...
mike harper
Top Reviewer
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