A washed-up boxing trainer finds new hope in an unlikely protege: An inflatable bop clown.
Bruce is a washed-up boxing trainer who happens upon some children beating an inflatable "bop clown", and sees "his" potential as a boxing contender.
The comedy comes is in the surreal relationship between this silent, inanimate object and the people around it who treat it like any other person. Most scenes are written to be extremely serious, but are hilarious when the inanimate protagonist is taken into account.
There is a strong focus on building the relationship between the bop clown, and his trainer and fitting the arc of their friendship into a 15 page script.
After their meteoric rise through the local boxing circuit, a decision must be made between loyalty to your ideals, and protecting those you care about.
First thing first. Fix your basic mistakes. Nothing is more distracting than the simple errors. It pulls your reader out of the story.
Page 1- steps up "and" delivers
page 4- match once "a" month
page 4- Bruce "corrects'
page 10- "loses from ground"- I think you mean "some" but I'm not positive.
Those were the mistakes that jumped out at me. Beyond those...
First off, the concept of a "main" character being a bop clown is hard to swallow. They don't speak, they have nothing that connects the audience to them emotionally, and they don't show any kind of character arc (overcoming some kind of inner weakness or developing into a better person after accomp...
In general, I didn't like the story idea at all. Just doesn't fit with what I usually like. Also, not much of the script made sense. I must admit, I only read the first half of it because I wasn't concentrating on the story, but was al...
The script certainly started well. It hooked me but as it progresses, its shortcomings creeps in and that is just the shortcomings of the writer.
The dialogue is good but could be better.
The action/description is nice but could be made better.
The protagonists are interesting. Bruce and Bop clown are outstanding but a few things are out of place in them.
It's a comedy script, I get it. It's somethin...
Bruce's character is developed nicely, most of it during one-sided conversations with BOP, a Bop clown, his protégé. The reader is given a glimpse...
I think this is a really competently crafted piece and you are clearly a very talented writer, however in terms of a short film I think this is lacking slightly with structure as it skips over the first Act where we'd g...
I would recommend copy and pasting the entire screenplay into Grammarly. If you're not familiar with the program, it's free for the basic use which is very useful and helps identify several mistakes.
They aren't major, and should only take you a few minutes. This will greatly increase the readability of your script.
Try to avoid words that end with "ing" when you write your action sequences. This helps move the action along qu...