I'm a young screenwriter who's looking to break into the film industry. I want to gain experience and grow as a writer. My main goal is to produce a feature film someday. Any feedback is appreciated
I like the concept a lot. I can't remember if I have seen something like it before. So, I guess it is original to me. The first few lines actually did draw me into the story about the bloodied angel curled up in the corner. Good job on that. You explained the setting very well. I'm not going to critique you on your dialogue too much since it wasn't a lot but it could be better. But everyone's dialogue can be better so don't be mad at that. The structure is well done for just three short pages. Can't really critique the development of your characters because it's a short script. I like the way you built up to the climax at the end. And I like the pacing as well. After the baby is born the line David says at the end just doesn't give me enough satisfaction with the story so maybe you could give a little bit more at the end. I liked the type of synergy the goes along with the movie and Diane being scared. I'm imagining being in that theater and not being able to tell if it's the movie that is making the noise or is it Diane. The are some grammatical and formatting errors Just like there always are. Typos and junk like that. Just give it a once over and I’m sure you will be fine. Maybe rewrite a couple of things and that is it. When reading short scripts are hard to critique because there's not much to go off of but overall the script doesn’t read to bad. Although I feel like if you want to keep it as a short story I’d say don’t expand on it to much but I think three or four more pages added to this would be great. There is some exposition and context I feel needs to be added to the story and it would be great for your audience to know what’s going on. I did have plenty of questions after reading this. Is David like the devil or something? Is Diane a fallen angel. Is she about to give birth? What do the worms mean? Other than that, I thought it was a dope short story. I would like to see what you do in the future with it. If you want some to read it again feel free to contact me. Good luck.
In an alternate reality a young couple's weekend stay at a small town hotel reveals bigger secrets that the town has been hiding.