ScriptMother

Richard Neville

Establishing Shot

Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 3
Reviews: 3

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Richard Neville completed a review for
2 years ago
Unholy Union short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Review Rating:

Ah, now I remember why I haven't come back to this website... the enforced word count on the Comments field. Seriously? Forcing a 400-600 word comments section even for short film scripts that might only include 1500 words themselves? Really? Hmm, kind of makes you want to add a few filler paragraphs just to bolster your word count. Like this one for instance. Yes, I really wouldn't pay too much attention to the contents of this paragraph. In fact, I'd skip ahead if I were you. I think it's abundantly clear what this paragraph is here for. Words. Words, words, words, words, words. A whole bunch of them strung together in order to push up those numbers, so that this review can be submitted. Where are we at so far? Maybe 100 or so? Possibly even one hundred and fifty. Yes, I'd say it's round about that number. I suppose now the question becomes how many words are we aiming to fill here? And that in turn makes one wonder - how many words do we actually have as commentary. Oh Lordy, I don't know, as I haven't written the commentary yet. So why didn't I write this nonsense filler paragraph after I'd written my actual commentary? Well, now that I see what an undertaking this filler paragraph actually is, I'm starting to wonder that myself. But you know, I am in filler paragraph stepp'd in so far that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o'er. And so it continues. I guess I'm doing it this way round because I remember how much it pissed me off last time I tried to write a review and I actually lost my entire synopsis and commentary because it wouldn't let me submit, having found my word count wanting. So, you know, I'm not going through that again. Kinda stoopid, that was. So... umm... what now... Oh... hang on... Hand on a sec: Wait. Hold! No more. Perhaps this is enough. Let me just check the word count... Over 300 words of nonsense! Hurrah! Not bad. Could push through a few more sentences, but I think we're basically there. And so... ahem... on to my actual comments. This is a great short script! Smartly written and I did not guess the outcome - though it made perfect sense once I got there. That's exactly what you want from a story, right? A surprising but comprehensible untangling of threads. Plus the writing is clear, simple, funny and human. I can imagine this film being made, and being a lot of fun to watch too. There's nothing unfilmable or budget-busting here. It's also got social currency - it's an idea worth talking about. I guess the core thought could possibly come across as sexist and patronising... so I think the director and actors would need to consider that carefully. But it's easily relatable enough and funny enough to swerve that potential problem. I think the only element that slightly jars with me is Pete's character and behaviour. He's ever so flippant about his wife's craziness, but cares enough to employ an exorcist... and then, when the truth is revealed, he becomes an instant doting husband. Maybe his character arc needs a little tweaking? Perhaps he needs to care a little more upfront... or needs to stay a little more care-less throughout? This could be done by revising a few lines, or perhaps be managed through the actor's performance. Not a single typo or grammatical error, so far as I could see. Also, the whole script was easy and speedy to read. Engaging from start to finish!

Richard Neville just claimed a review for a script.
2 years ago
Unholy Union short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Logline: A wife's demonic behavior forces her husband to seek holy help.
Richard Neville completed a review for
2 years ago
The homies short
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:

It's hard to read a script that's not really written as a script. Unfortunately, that's my bottom line, and thereby pretty much all I've got to say here. If the author wants to get this read as a script, step one is to format it as a script. There's no way around that. Industry standard is industry standard for a reason. In fact, reading badly presented work goes to show how much of a difference proper formatting makes to the digestibility of a piece of writing. Script Nazis may take it to an extreme, but without good formatting the whole experience is like wading through marshland attached to an ever-tightening bungy cord. However... there is stuff to like, stuff to appreciate, and honestly it's evidence of a storyteller's mind at work. I liked some of the dialogue and I liked the fact that grammatical structure is out the window. I'm imagining the author was transcribing how his friends speak pretty honestly - in his head at least. And that's never going to be grammatically perfect. And since there's very little plot, the characters aren't used for exposition... so that's a good thing I guess! I'm new here, and I really don't get the minimum-400-word review thing. There's not a lot more to say here. Here it is: Rewrite this as a proper script, and if you do it well, you might have something. That's it. And so to pad things out to 400 words, here's some dialogue by a guy called Quentin... Everybody laughs. Joe comes back to the table. JOE Okay ramblers, let's get to rambling. Wait a minute, who didn't throw in? MR. ORANGE Mr. White. JOE (to Mr. Orange) Mr. White? (to Mr. White) Why? MR. ORANGE He don't tip. JOE (to Mr. Orange) He don't tip? (to Mr. White) You don't tip? Why? MR. ORANGE He don't believe in it. JOE (to Mr. Orange) He don't believe in it? (to Mr. White) You don't believe in it? MR. ORANGE Nope. JOE (to Mr. Orange) Shut up! (to Mr. White) Cough up the buck, ya cheap bastard, I paid for your goddamn breakfast. MR. WHITE Because you paid for the breakfast, I'm gonna tip. Normally I wouldn't. JOE Whatever. Just throw in your dollar, and let's move. (to Mr. Blonde) See what I'm dealing with here. Infants. I'm fuckin dealin with infants. The eight men get up to leave. Mr. White's waist is in the F.G. As he buttons his coat, for a second we see he's carrying a gun. They exit Uncle Bob's Pancake House, talking amongst themselves.

Richard Neville just claimed a review for a script.
2 years ago
The homies short
Genre: Drama
Logline: Friends are forever
Richard Neville uploaded a script.
2 years ago
Just Relax short
Genre: Crime,Comedy
Logline: A man finds himself out of his depth when he lets down a criminal network dealing in false information.
Richard Neville uploaded a script.
2 years ago
Hide & Seek, or Max's Traumatic Incident short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Logline: Something bad happened to Max and Superteddy on holiday that year.
Richard Neville uploaded a script.
2 years ago
Dog'xploding short
Genre: Comedy
Logline: Bear is ever so worried about fireworks. Perhaps with good reason.
Richard Neville completed a review for
2 years ago
2econd Chance short
Genre: Comedy
Review Rating:

This is a clear and excellent concept. We all love the idea of being given a second chance in life - but a second chance doesn't necessarily alter our chances of success. This very short script takes that abstract idea and presents it with humour and heart. There's no deviation from this central idea... and as a result, the most critical thing I can say here is that there isn't so much depth or development to comment on. The two main characters are vivid enough, but they don't really have space to develop or even express much personality. Maybe that's not entirely fair - especially in the case of the shopkeeper. He gives us a few smirks and idiosyncrasies (particularly enjoyed his ever-so-Dutch use of "whoopsiedaisy"). Because there isn't so much here in terms of character development or dynamics, it actually feels like the script could be shorter and still deliver the same effect. After the girl has bought her second chance, we see her in action failing her audition again. This makes it clear that it was right that she should fail in the first instance - and nothing has changed since then. But then the point is drummed home again: she’s learned nothing, so she buys a second chance (actually a third chance this time around). And the script ends with her embarking on her third audition. I know repetition is the point here, but we already had the idea. Screen time would be better spent making the characters a little deeper. Perhaps the girl is determined that she’s amazing and no-one can ‘see it’? Then there’s a character lesson for all of us, I suppose. Groundhog Day was an excellent movie. Needfull Things is an excellent story. I think more could be made of an idea like this. It almost seems flippant to keep it so succinct. If it's an idea worth expanding on, then expand upon it! Now hold on just one moment here… I tried to submit this review and was told the whole thing was rejected because my comments weren’t long enough. That’s rather frustrating. So here I am plugging away and writing everything again and adding an extra special paragraph at the end to bulk things up to four hundred words or more (that’s four hundred words or more). With this bonus paragraph I deem that my work here is well and truly and slightly annoyed-ly done.

Richard Neville just claimed a review for a script.
2 years ago
2econd Chance short
Genre: Comedy
Logline: What would you do with a second chance?
Richard Neville just joined ScriptMother!
2 years ago

Scripts

Dog'xploding
Draft #1
Genre: Comedy
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Bear is ever so worried about fireworks. Perhaps with good reason.

Hide & Seek, or Max's Traumatic Incident
Draft #1
Genre: Comedy,Horror
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Something bad happened to Max and Superteddy on holiday that year.

Just Relax
Draft #1
Genre: Crime,Comedy
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A man finds himself out of his depth when he lets down a criminal network dealing in false information.

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