Euan Mitchell

Euan M.

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short

Lucid Draft #2

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After spotting a figure he recognises in a dream, Jack is determined to learn to control his own absurd dreamworld in the hopes of seeing them again.
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EuanMitchell
Euan Mitchell 4 years ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Lucid short
Genre: Drama
After spotting a figure he recognises in a dream, Jack is determined to learn to control his own absurd dreamworld in the hopes of seeing them again.
EuanMitchell
Euan Mitchell 4 years ago

completed a review for

The Bench (working title suggestions welcome) short
Genre: Drama
Rating: 40%
Caleb, overall this script isn't a bad effort. The concept you have here is a powerful one that has its roots in current and very important issues - it could work very well given the right script and create a truly moving film. However, at the minute your script is lacking the quality needed to put it on screen effectively. The most important thing to remember when writing your script is to only write what we can see. Don't describe the internal thoughts of the characters, as there's no way of showing that on screen. Describing what happened to the characters 10 minutes ago is of no use to the audience, because we didn't see any of that. For example, instead of: Dan thinks there might be something wrong... We could say: Dan's eyes shift around the room, he's tense. By seeing what Dan is showing on the outside, we can infer what he's feeling on the inside. Another important rule of thumb that could have a huge impact on your script is very simple: SHOW, not tell. Film is a predominantly visual art form - the audience doesn't have to be spoon-fed everything that's happening through the dialogue of the characters - we can SHOW them what's happening. In all honesty, Sean's voiceover could be cut from the script entirely - we'd be left with a far more gripping and intriguing story if we simply see what happened to the characters. Show us the aftermath of the tragedy, show us Sean's sister in hospital, show us the memorial. Let the audience piece the story together themselves. The structure has great potential - seeing Sean broken and alone on the bench throughout the story, all while being given glimpses at what led him to this place could keep the script intriguing before the big payoff at the end. In terms of dialogue, try reading the lines aloud to yourself and thinking "would I ever say that?" It's not often that mid-argument we break into a powerful hard-hitting monologue. A lot of the lines in this script can be cut much shorter. Keeping the character's speech raw and realistic can ground your story a lot more. Implement some of these changes into a redraft - redraft that - and redraft it some more. You should end up with a nice, tight script and a boatload of knowledge gained. 9 times out of 10 your first crack at a new story isn't gonna be a winner. Mine usually aren't. But you're certainly on the right track, Caleb. Keep writing - and best of luck!
EuanMitchell
Euan Mitchell 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

The Bench (working title suggestions welcome) short
Genre: Drama
Two Highschool students grapple with the losses they face following an immense tragedy.
EuanMitchell
Euan Mitchell 4 years ago

uploaded a script.

Lucid short
Genre: Drama
After spotting a figure he recognises in a dream, Jack is determined to learn to control his own absurd dreamworld in the hopes of seeing them again.
EuanMitchell
Euan Mitchell 4 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!