First of all there are no grammatical or spelling errors and the format is correct. There are some tense scenes and I was hooked on the story and wanted to see how it would get wrapped up. The thing is it never does get wrapped up, Jonathan also has no character development and none of the conflicts are resolved. The only thing that happens is the reveal in the end but that is not enough to leave the viewer satisfied. Also I don’t know if you have been inspired by the movie “the machinist” or you just haven’t seen it but the story SPOILER ALERT (the plot twist where the depressed protagonist is an insomniac and an anorexic throughout the movie because he killed a young boy in a hit and run) is basically the same. Now I don’t want to spoil the ending of the movie in case you haven’t seen it but if you see it you will see that it is more satisfying for the audience even though the movie revolves basically around the same concept. The dialogue also feels kind of unrealistic at certain parts of the story especially the one with Marvin. Try to give exposition in a more indirect way than having the characters straight up saying “did you forget when you….” Ect. Also you can cut some scenes to improve the pace. For example the interview scene could start with the interviewer straight up asking questions to Jonathan. On a good note the reveal was nicely prepared and you gave clues throughout the story. Also there are some scenes that could look amazing and creepy if they were filmed for example in the subway. Anyway the script is not bad just try to make those improvements and maybe add more to the ending. The minimum word count is 400 so I will just copy paste the beginning of my review sorry for that lol because I don’t have anything else to say. If you want to ask or discuss anything feel free to send me a message. First of all there are no grammatical or spelling errors and the format is correct. There are some tense scenes and I was hooked on the story and wanted to see how it would get wrapped up. The thing is it never does get wrapped up, Jonathan also has no character development and none of the conflicts are resolved. The only thing that happens is the reveal in the end but that is not enough to leave the viewer satisfied.
The format is wrong. You can download a free software like Trelby that will automatically generate anything you write into the correct format. Also at certain parts of the script I felt like I was reading a book instead of a script. For example “paranoid and watchful. A man who's lived his life walking a fine line of anonymity” and “He's not going to ask twice”. When a viewer watches the movie how will he know that this man has lived his life walking a fine line of anonymity just by looking at him? You have to make the viewer understand this through the dialogue. The dialogue was mostly good filled with police/secret agency slang. However at some points I feel like it is a bit too much. Also is there a reason for the scene with the soccer fan? Because it doesn’t contribute to anything in my opinion unless you tried to show that Carren wants to avoid fights and is generous. The action scene were Carren chases the shooter seems like it is way too fast paced. In one frame they are fighting on top of the train, in the next they are inside the train, then they are on the street… It is way too fast. I know it is an action scene but it seems to me like the fights for example on top of the train could last longer. The story is not finished but so far it is intriguing and mysterious. However there are some things that don’t make a lot of sense. For example when Travers dies and says “No time -- have to -- stop it. He's in danger. Go!” this means that he has information about the conspiracy and he knows that someone is in danger even though before he got shot the only thing he knew was that “the KGB are going to make a move on someone in the government –“ indicating that he didn’t know who is in danger. I know you were aiming for the cliché of the character saying something important but dying before he can finish it to create suspense and it does work but it doesn’t make sense that he knows if a few seconds ago he just “thought” that someone is making a move. Overall the script is good and suspenseful and I believe that if you finish it and make some corrections it would make a good movie.
A traumatised former lawyer feels a constant terrifying presence and struggles to understand if it is real or a product of his own mind.