I'm brand new to the script writing field, but I love movies and writing so I figured I would take a stab at this and see how it goes. I'm open to all types of feedback. Don't be afraid to tell me if something sucks. I can handle it :-)
My particular areas of concern are in that some sections of dialogue feel as though they are simply filler....where I think the script would have a bit more emotional punch if it cuts right to the point and maybe expands on the theme of assisted suicide just a bit. The text message portion the script was a bit hard for me to grasp and it seems as though the conversation might be meant to be a bit ambiguous. Intentional on your part perhaps? I would recommend reformatting so that it's possibly broken up a little more over the initial scenes, with a bit more emotion shown by the main character. I do like the concept though. The concept of assisted suicide as it interplays with the affair aspect of it DEFINITELY caught my attention as that seems to be a deep subject to attack. I feel like you've done well with the idea. I will say that a lit more description could be used. Tell us more about the hospital, more about the room....a little background on the players. draw us in a little more and I think this would definitely be a workable concept for a 5-10 minute short film piece that explores a very delicate concept with an interesting approach to it. The character development seems like it could use a little bit of work and polish to reach its full potential, but for the most part, I was able to grasp the main thrust of the story and the main characters intent. Sections of dialogue do seem a bit dangling. Perhaps some more insight into the motivations other than the subtle glazing over that the dying woman has been given. Maybe some more about how she knows or how she found out, other than the abrupt dropping of the fact that she knows. It may not seem relevant to the story, or perhaps I missed it somewhere in the subtleties, but I think that is something that definitely needs to be there. Other than that, this was a pretty engaging piece to read. Would definitely like to see more in this vein. Keep up the good work and I would actually be interested in seeing this a fully produced piece. Please feel free to contact me directly should you desire more directed feedback. Other than that, nice work and idea. Keep up the effort on this. Kudos.
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