This was a fun read for just one page. Well done. The structure, grammar, and format are right on point. On one page this story comes to life. Almost like a classic joke with a set-up and punchline, this script delivers a concise foundation for a humorous explanation of the fantastical nature of the inciting incident. The only constructive criticism I can think to offer is to add more detail in the action lines for the room that the story takes place in. What type of floor, are there posters on the wall, is there a desk, window, curtains? There can be a lot of fun easter eggs hidden in the action lines by painting a more vivid picture of the space that the story takes place in. Of course, this will make this script longer, and I would personally encourage you to do all of this and still try to keep it at one page. It's very good,
I really enjoyed this short, however incomplete it is. The dialogue was by far the best part of the "ride". Very well done giving Mustafa and Tarek unique voices. The natural flow of the conversation that they are having is very enjoyable and makes the script easy to read. There are formatting issues and grammar issues. I recommend that you turn all of the action into the active form. Go through the action lines and take out words ending in "ing" EX. "TAREK SIDDIQI (brown, 20s, unkempt) is in the passenger seat doing something on his phone." This could be "TAREK SIDDIQI (brown, 20s, unkempt) is in the passenger seat, his fingers tap feverishly on the screen. Another note is to put as much detail and description in the action lines as possible in as few words as possible. A good rule of thumb is that if it's not important for the audience to see or know something, don't bother writing it. Great start.
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