Amber Norris

Amber N.

Ranking
Fade In
Reviewer Rating
Scripts
0
Reviews
1
Scripts
Reviews
Following
Activity
AmberNorris
Amber Norris 5 years ago

completed a review for

What We Did That Summer feature
Genre: Drama
Rating: 60%
My biggest issue with this script was the pacing. Not much happens the first `15 pages. The amount of back-story at the beginning isn't necessary. I would recommend revealing some of these elements throughout the story instead of including it all in the beginning; I would suggest doing this through dialogue, or even a couple more flashbacks. In addition, I felt that there was not a clear peak point in the story. The boys continuously mention the loss of their fathers, which raises a lot of questions for the reader. Did the same accident kill all of their fathers? and how did they die? I felt like a lot more could have been done with this, as it raised a lot of intrigue. I think it might be interesting to try include the death of their dad's as a driving force in the story; this would allow you to tie up loose ends and really connect all the characters story into one. For example, what if Zach, Mike, and Jimmy came across the dug-up graves/bodies of their dead fathers while on the trek through the wilderness and the boys had to solve the mystery- just a thought. A more defined conflict at the beginning of this script would really benefit it. Also, it isn't entirely clear what the boys are talking about in the beginning. The camping expedition Is only referred to as "the trip", which was a little confusing at first. On the other hand, the character development is excellent. I love the authenticity and introspective nature of the dialogue. All of your characters are very unique with well defined voices. Well done. The beginning and ending almost remind me a little of the breakfast club, but I kind of liked that element. The imagery of each scene is really well done in my opinion. I could picture everything happening. I especially like the imagery of the very last scene. Overall, I feel this has potential, but could be so much more if you develop a slightly more complex plot to complement the complexity of the characters.
AmberNorris
Amber Norris 5 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!