Ian J

Ian J.

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IanJ
Ian J 2 years ago

completed a review for

Angels Can Die television
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Horror,Mystery/Suspense
Rating: 7%
The author has a very interesting endgame with this script: take two seemingly disparate storylines -- from two seemingly different and traditionally unrelated genres -- and tell them simultaneously in such a ways that they converge at the very end. It's extremely ambitious. I can think of only one TV episode, off the top of my head, that ever pulled this off. That was the Marine Biologist episode of SIENFEILD -- and that episode wasn't a pilot so it didn't have to worry about tall tasks like world-building or trying to combine two different genres together. It's an enormous job for any writer to try and pull off, so it probably should come as little surprise that ANGELS doesn't doesn't quite do it. But there are a couple of reasons for this that might make doing so in future re-writes a possibility. The first cuts to the core of what a pilot it is. It's not only the beginning of a serial story -- which this script does well -- but it's also the template of what viewers can expect from future episodes, and that's where this script runs into trouble. It's safe to say that the second episode is going to take place in Atlantis, but will all others do so as well? If so, why not just start the story there? Next we spend a lot of time with two characters that apparently aren't even going to make to Episode 2: Dream and Father Malcolm. (Now, Dream might come back, but he basically disappears after he's arrested, which begs the question: why did we spend so much time with him in the first place?). These two characters occupy a lot of screen time to just be throw-aways. Further, it's difficult to say what the plot of the series is going to be. There's something about a festival and demons and Atlantis, but I have no idea how they're all supposed to connect. The pilot for GAME OF THRONES, for example, is really complicated: it introduces about two dozen characters and three or four major plot lines, but the gist of the story is perfectly clear by the end of the pilot: the Hand of the King has died under suspicious circumstances and the mystery as to how and why will shake the kingdom to it's core. The first few episodes, in fact, are really more of a detective story than the epic fantasy war story that it becomes later on. What's ANGELS' hook? The priest half of the script is heavy on exorcist action, but we never really get a grip on just what these demons are. The Company side of the story gets bogged down in the nebulously defined politics of the story. (I have absolutely no idea what's going on with the Mama Ganga interlude on page 50+). All of this means I have no idea why Silas is going to Atlantis. Which is too bad because Silas has a lot of the elements of a classic hero going for him: mysterious birth, some strange talisman, a divine mentor, a quirky sidekick. But he doesn't seem to have a mission yet -- and we absolutely need to know what that mission is in the pilot.
IanJ
Ian J 2 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Angels Can Die television
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Horror,Mystery/Suspense
A young Priest, bound with the devil, journeys toward self discovery and ultimately finds God.
IanJ
Ian J 2 years ago

completed a review for

Again to Love feature
Genre: Romance,Drama
Rating: 20%
Let's starts with the setting. College campuses are -- usually -- terrible places to set a movie because the only people who care about the lives of 18-24 years-olds are 18-24 year-old. (The one notable exception is if the college film is about friendship, which is why the most popular college-based films usually involve fraternities.) I can't think of a romance movie set at college off the top of my head, so this could conceivably be new territory. There is, however, likely a good reason why it's never been done before: college is also a transition period in for a lot of people. Many if not most relationship in college don't last beyond graduation -- and few are expected to. So the stakes aren't all that high. It's also and incredibly safe environment wherein to explore romance (relatively speaking), which, again, lowers the stakes. The most important plot point of the script is actually a missed opportunity to ratchet up the dramatic tension. We find out that Theresa's old boyfriend is will on page 26, but it's not until page 70 that Theresa and Idunn figure out they're both after the same guy. Aa soon as that happens their relationship with each other becomes much more interesting than either of their relationships with Will. That's the story the author should probably be telling. Do they they hide their feelings for Will from each other? Do they try to undermine one another? How does this competition play out? Romances are fine, but they are also a dime a dozen -- but romantic competitions are fierce. All's fair in love and war, etc. That's the central conflict of this story, but by putting it off until page 70 the narrative deprives the audience of the juiciest bits.
IanJ
Ian J 2 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Again to Love feature
Genre: Romance,Drama
A college foreign exchange student unintentionally gets involved in a love triangle between two exes and must decide to let her feelings be known, or let them get back together.
IanJ
Ian J 2 years ago

completed a review for

Perform: Center Stage (First 15) short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
Rating: 0%
This is evaluation is going to take two assumptions as given. 1.) The author is still in high school, and 2.) These pages are the only pages of an uncompleted screenplay and that the author is using this venue to help him or her decide if the project is worth finishing. First of all, every screenplay is worth finishing -- especially if an author has never finished one yet. Finished scripts, and above all the bad ones, teach writers a lot about what not to do the next time around. They also make writing the next script a lot easier. So if the author hasn't finished this script yet, he or she should do so regardless of what anyone says -- it will only get you that much closer to writing the script you've been trying to write all along. And, if this script is going to be judged by professional standards, it doesn't work at all. It's really not even a "short" -- it's just an excerpt, so there's really no way to give it a complete story structure or character development assessment, for example. I recommend that author go all out and try to finish this script -- then give it to someone to evaluate. But before he or she does this -- I also recommend reconsidering the opening: the opening dream sequence is a rough way to open a script becuse it gives the impression that the entire script is going to be in the bizzare dream world that doesn't have any rules and where everything happen arbitrarily. This sample feels like it's beeter suited for somewhere in the middle of the script or towards the end of Act II. That's if the author is looking to make this thing read like a professional script. Right now, he or she should just worry about finishing it, because, if I'm right, and the author is still in high school, then he or she is off to a great start. This is already far more screenwriting than a lot of wanna-be screenwriters in their late-30s do and the author should be encouraged to do more.
IanJ
Ian J 2 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Perform: Center Stage (First 15) short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!
IanJ
Ian J 2 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!