Alice Blanc

Alice B.

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AliceBlanc
Alice Blanc 3 years ago

completed a review for

Treena short
Genre: Horror
Rating: 53%
Start: good, easy to follow up - clear idea of the role of the main character, her position in society. Script structure: great to follow, plot twist with good ending. Make sure you stick with the script structure, sometimes it is a little too narrative. You should only write what we see/hear - not the characters thoughts. 'Our heroine' no need to put that. ' 'Surpassingly she is more calm' - > no need to say 'surprisingly' pig stare like a drug addict - could say dizzy/sick 'ts time' again this needs a beat or a pause for us to understand its time / avoid writing that The characters: great number of characters, we know where they stand in the storyline. maybe too short for character development There is definitely some space to improve the script's structure - good to always remember scripts are for producers/film editors to visualise your idea. Enjoyed it, the dialogue is great and sharp, no long or useless scenes. Great storyline, hope this helps! good luck
AliceBlanc
Alice Blanc 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Treena short
Genre: Horror
When people and animals start dying, an enterprising herbalist must prove her innocence before an enraged mob burns her at the stake.
AliceBlanc
Alice Blanc 3 years ago

completed a review for

The Phantom Paradise feature
Genre: Drama
Rating: 20%
Ben: immediately understand he is a difficult kid, challenging, good character development. Riley: interesting character but few flaws, or maybe needs improvement especially how quick she is ready to give up Ben, questions her belonging to the family, finds out it was an error from the hospital etc. Needs to be more elaborate, more developed - otherwise character looses credibility. It can be dangerous to over complicate a scenario in such a short time - unless it is a tv show where there is enough time/room for character dev, in a feature where there are already few plots adding more can make it difficult to engage with. The episode with Riley mom, is it necessary - what does it bring to the script? if you wish to keep it, is there another way you can introduce this to the reader? maybe this could be at the very beginning of the story, she's been investigating on her past for a while now. but i would not recommend you to add it straight in the story. Lucas: is very blurry but good you mentioned later his role. Good character, balances out the mess going on in Ben's life. Miles: weak character, could be stronger - him showing Ben his scars was unrelated to the situation. It downplays the scene, makes it to dramatic and kills the rhythm of the story. can be scrapped off or maybe put forward it a different scenario - for instance when Ben talks about family issues, being alone, having issues etc. but i would advise you not to add it to this scene where his heart is broken. Storyline: script is clear and simple. too long, too many plot going on at the same time. After Riley and Ben have a conversation and he admits his addiction, everything should be quick, straight to the point. avoid unnecessary scenes, as this is not a book with chapters. film / feature - usually there are two main plots max (3 if more than 3 characters) but after the plots are resolved, should not bring new ones on the table. it makes the script weak. scenes are too long (scene about the math competition should be max 1 page) Porn Addiction: The porn addiction which starts off as a personification: 'Eve' could be more developed, great idea - but could be more central to his problem/everyday life - especially if it is an addiction. Addicted to sex have many of their daily tasks affected by this, it is all they think about - everything resolves around it. I would advise you to work on that more, dig into it more. If it is an addiction, cannot be cured without external help (therapy, help etc). Scene where Riley and Ben have a conversation could be shorter / cut down Strength: the script is well-written, good dialogue, clear and very easy to read. Weakness: the storyline needs more work. Riley finding out she was adopted/mistake makes the story less credible. it is necessary? does it bring anything to the table besides leaving Ben? maybe could play on another aspect. too many long scenes or scenes that are not bringing anything to the table, the scene of the competition, Riley visiting the mom/or even trying to end her guardianship - when writing a script remember you are writing a film, you need to imagine the film
AliceBlanc
Alice Blanc 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

The Phantom Paradise feature
Genre: Drama
After being forced to live with his inimical and distant aunt, a sex-addicted orphan teenager must overcome his disease of the mind while dealing with the academic challenges of high school and a broken heart from failed romance.