The overall premise is excellent and pretty intriguing and different. I especially like how the opening started, going right into the main conflict to keep the reader engaged, and really hooks the audience into watching the rest of the screenplay. The character of "The Woman" is very intriguing and mysterious, and I like the mystery element that you included in the screenplay. I also like how you handled the two stories that are in the screenplay, the first being the overall mystery of The Woman and how Michael attempts to solve the entire thing, as well as the second story featuring Kai and Penny. The characters themselves are really interesting to follow along with, understanding their motivations and their backstories, and I like the connection between Micheal and Kai at the end of the story. It seems like a great pilot to a future TV series, which gets the readers invested in the powers of Kai and Micheal, solving the mystery of The Woman, and what relationship Kai has with the Woman. If this does become a TV series, there are a lot of possible future conflicts that could occur, and it would be interesting to see how the characters handle the situations. This story has a mix of various elements that make up a good screenplay - strong, dynamic interesting characters, an overarching story with tons of mystery and unresolved conflicts, action scenes and engaging moments with the terrifying elements that are featured in the screenplay. The screenplay did surprise me a couple of times, and it would very very interesting to see this continue into a bigger, more interesting, overarching story, with presumably multiple twists and surprises. This kind of show reminds me a lot about shows like "The X Files", and I think it would be interesting to see how the characters really delved deeply with the conflicts in their way and grow as characters. If there are problems with the screenplay, it has to be the formatting, although it's not that big of a problem. The formatting misses its mark a couple of times with improper lines and unnecessary colons.
The story itself seems pretty decent, although nothing really that surprising from a horror flick. The premise overall though, is really interesting utilizing an undead monk as the main antagonist of the story, seeming to bring in a religious motivation that could be potentially terrifying to the audience. I really like how you handled the character of Brother Margaret, as he has the most interesting personality out of all of the characters. He is terrifying and most of the dialogue he speaks out has a lot of charm, and he really makes the story engaging with his motivations. The other characters, on the other hand, are really that interesting, which is kind of a problem - when you make a story bring a personality to all of the characters instead of just one. While Brother Margaret has a lot of personality, the other characters like Riley and Daniel aren't really that interesting in the long run - there is no character traits that make me care about either of them. Another thing that I have to praise you for is the unique setting of a mall, which seems like a setting for a teen drama, but has very interesting potential conflicts that could unfold if handled correctly. While I like the creativity in the setting, it doesn't work at all for me mainly because there is no reason to put this in a mall - there's no significance. Overall, the story, while it does surprise me a couple of times with the scary aspects, feels very generic and boring in the long run - not really that entertaining. Aside from my issues with the characters and the poor use of the setting, another problem was the pacing. You seemed to get right into the character of Brother Margaret without any transition or time for the audience to soak in what was going on. The whole movie felt like that, instead of building up the tension, it felt like random plot points were being thrown to make the audience care. Overall, you did a good job with the story, but please address the pacing and characters.
The premise of the overall story sounds pretty interesting, although it feels like it has been done before. I like the character of Maria, who is someone who is bubbly and cheerful, although somewhat naïve. She reminds me a lot of Ugly Betty, a similar character from the show of the same name. I think overall, it is interesting to see the characters progress throughout the story, although the entire conflict that the story revolves around seems a little weak - Maria can't get a man out of her room. Again, I feel that the entire conflict seems pretty weak - maybe if you revealed some more deeper character development for the characters or increased the stakes (the man could be some kind of criminal) the overall execution could be more interesting. Another thing I have a problem with is who the characters are - Amy seems to be unlikeable after making a racist (might be unintentional, to your defense) comment about Maria's heritage, although afterwards they both seem to be more like friends. Overall, the story itself is not too bad, and the way the story is structured is great. It has a clear beginning, middle, and end, and the conflict, while somewhat weak, does pull the story along really nicely and forces the characters to act to the situation presented to them. The characters themselves are not too bad, although I feel like the characters of Alice and Naomi don't really have a clear personality and just do the same thing. In the end, the story that you show here is pretty interesting, but I think you could have it extend to its full potential. I would recommend adding more complex personality traits to your characters to make them overall interesting, and really raise the stakes of the conflict to make the audience care about what is going on. This would be a pretty interesting show to watch by the premise alone, and I would really like to see it expand into stronger characters and their backstories, as well as more dynamic, interesting conflicts that make us root for the characters.
When I look at the concept, it seems very fun, but there is a lot to take in, with the fact that Gods exists in this world, technology is being pitted against the Gods and getting rid of their rule over the Earth, the fact that humans, animals, and mystical creatures all exist in one world, and a whole backstory on what Earth was like before Gods came along. These are very creative ideas and I think they would be good to explore the possibilities of them in depth, but it seems like a lot to take in in 46 pages. If this was a full television series, I would focus on making a clearer story instead of drawing everything into one - maybe introduce one or two of these concepts in one episode, and then establish them in later episodes - like Adventure Time or Avatar - but it's a lot to take in one episode. Moving on, the characters and the story, while done kinda well, didn't really stand out to me or intrigue me in any way. Don't take this the wrong way, as it's my personal opinion, but the story and the characters feel mostly forgettable - I think it is mainly because you spend most of the screenplay on telling the mystery and setting up the world the characters inhabit - but with that the characters don't feel like they have any personality. If the characters had more depth or interesting personality traits that would help them stand out and really connect with the audience, it would really work great. All in all, the mystery element of the story as well as the world building is done very well, although there is a lot of information to take in for 46 pages of a screenplay. There is a lot of work into making these elements engaging and to stand out. To finish, I think this is a good screenplay with a lot of imaginable ideas and high potential - but you have to work on the world building by not introducing everything in one go, and make the characters more dynamic and thought out.
Personally, the premise was pretty interesting for what could've been a television series or a feature length film. But the overall story didn't surprise me in any way or grab my attention in ways unexpected. The setup of the movie is unclear - it seems to take place after some kind of murder, but it's not clear. It also said in the premise a girl was going to make a sacrifice, but I didn't see any sacrifice in the screenplay. If this is only a test screenplay, I would say you did all right. But the story, the characters, and the dialogue really didn't grab my attention in any way - it seemed like a generic thriller script. Overall, you're doing okay for what you are trying to do, and I would encourage you to keep moving, but overall, the screenplay doesn't really seem that memorable to read through and be engaged by.