Jasmine Wu

Jasmine W.

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JasmineWu
Jasmine Wu 3 years ago

completed a review for

Temptation of Billy Cooper short
Genre: Drama,Thriller,Western
Rating: 67%
Plot: As a short, I like that this is a scenario that Billy finds himself in while he’s off looking for ways to survive. It could easily be made into a feature length which possibilities of exploring Billy’s life before the encounter as well as furthering the script after this scenario to continue his journey. With that being said, I feel like there were some plot points that weren’t too believable. The shot to Theo’s neck needs to be a bit more descriptive in terms of where he was shot. It said that he was shot in the neck but then he goes to hold his throat. This made it seem like he was seconds away from bleeding out instead of being able to crawl away to fire a few more rounds of shots. A small adjustment in wording will make it easier to follow. It was hard to believe that Billy’s wound was from a sliver of wood. I feel like this doesn’t have a huge impact in terms of actually causing a commotion because it reads as if he got a splinter from a flyaway piece of wood. Instead, I’d either exaggerate the description of the wound from the wood or change it to be a through and through bullet to the shoulder. It just doesn’t feel like it warrants his actions of drinking away the pain. Another thing that seemed not very believable is their alcohol tolerance. I understand the lack of food that they’ve suffered which would intoxicate them faster, but the speed in which they both get drunk shouldn’t happen within minutes of their first sip. The hangover that Billy experiences “later that same day” is also not very believable because of this. Perhaps breaking it between another day will make the timeline more realistic. I did like the ending between Billy and Carrie as it shows that he’s a survivor and not willing to take any chances. I think the decision he made in the end definitely leaves the reader wanting to go back to consider the type of situation he found himself in. It’s a mix of him wanting to be the knight in shining armor but ultimately lacks trust with people he encounters, leaving him as a survivor.
JasmineWu
Jasmine Wu 3 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Temptation of Billy Cooper short
Genre: Drama,Thriller,Western
An out-of-work cowboy rescues the daughter of a cattle baron from three would-be kidnappers. Maybe he would’ve been better off letting them recapture and ransom her.
JasmineWu
Jasmine Wu 3 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!