Sarah Jo

Sarah J.

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SarahJo
Sarah Jo 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Aberrant feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Romance,Drama
In a world much like ours, a woman is pulled into events that will forever change her life on her 25th birthday.
SarahJo
Sarah Jo 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Vengeance Wore Black short
Genre: Drama,Thriller,Western
Leaving a trail of death, a gang of outlaws is confident their mystical, supernatural relic will protect them from permanent harm, but when the Rider comes, seeking vengeance, will their reign of terror end?
SarahJo
Sarah Jo 4 years ago

completed a review for

While We Sleep short
Genre: Drama
Rating: 47%
The concept, character development, and story are fairly defined. The dialogue is pretty realistic, while the structure is great for a short film. The bursting of an initial argument where the reader does not know the reason why is very interesting. Comparing a broken tube and replacing it with the existential question of keeping or not Hannah and Stephen's son alive, and also Stephen's line: "There are no alternatives, are there?", is the strongest part of the screenplay. The screenplay loses points towards the end. First of all, a voice-over here seems very strange: INT. CHILDS BEDROOM - NIGHT (LATER) As he wanders round, Hannah guides him over to the ventilator and forces his hand to turn it off. HANNAH (V.O.) What? STEPHEN (V.O.) Look, if burying your head in the sand is what you have to do to get by, do it. Was it supposed to be a flashback of a conversation or an out of scene dialogue? The scene would benefit from either having a partial out of scene dialogue or the characters speaking in front of the camera. Also, here at the beginning: INT. CHILDS BEDROOM - NIGHT (LATER) As he wanders round, Hannah guides him over to the ventilator and forces his hand to turn it off. I believe the character development of Hannah would benefit if she had a bigger reaction. Her son's life support was finally cut off. The screen of the mechanical ventilator was finally black. Her son's heartbeat was not tangible anymore. No sound could be heard into the room. Having a bigger reaction would have highlighted her desire to cut Charlie's life support, or maybe even pushed her to evaluate again her decision. I also think Stephen would benefit from some additional character development. He does not want to let go of his son. Why? Maybe a few other metaphors would help humanize his character and show us the reason behind his decision. The screenplay has a strong structure but has a few imperfections when it comes to formatting and typos. Although it is pretty common to have them in a first, second, third and even sometimes final draft, I would advise you to try to find them all and fix everything if you are considering to send your screenplay to someone. It would show producers and judges that you believe in the story and are capable to write it perfectly.
SarahJo
Sarah Jo 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

While We Sleep short
Genre: Drama
A couple caring for their terminally ill son must face reality.
SarahJo
Sarah Jo 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Hobohemia feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Comedy
Outlander discovers a secret society
SarahJo
Sarah Jo 4 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!