It's an above average script, I really appreciate the effort. Let me clear this that I am not a professional, still learning. Hence I advice you to not take the review seriously although I will try my best to point out some things. Let me start with the beginning, if I were to see your script in the form of 3 act structure, I think the inciting incident comes way too soon. The story has just started when Ansel decides to run with Modest, personally I think you should give it some time. Develop their relationship, maybe not show Garret fully evil. Give it some time, let the relationship develop before the audience can see them escape. It also feels a little rushed when you introduced the bear, though it was necessary to separate the two so we can see each character develop independently. But you could have introduced it a little late, not too much. Use that time in the jungle to elaborate more about the friendship of the Ansel and Modest. I don't now if you wrote it as an animated or motion movie but if it is animated then maybe you can add some extra features, you know breaking those real life rules and if it is motion picture then try to make it more realistic. I sincerely appreciate your effort, i found the story interesting, though the truth is that adventure films like this type has too much scope which I feel is not fully exploited. don't get me wrong, the scenes and events are good but maybe their is scope to make it more exciting. Dialogues are good, interesting but can be improved. I have to repeat this point again that story feels a little dragged out, but it got potential. I am not a very big fan of this genre so I don't know much. The pacing is proper after their separation but you can choose the events better. Character change, resolution of Ansel is too sudden, try to give that scene a time. Maureen can be a great character, you need to give her more time and make her character change ore subtle and slow. Also don't just let her tell about the emotions stuff, try to show it in the form of subtext. Modest too should have a weakness, maybe under confident or too soft and caring, highlight it and change him.
Not my kind of story but I would like to clarify that since I am just starting in this field, so please try to forgive my ignorance. The story seems good but honestly it is kind of common now a days. The description is excellent and the dialogues are good too but the story does not feel unique. I like the different shades of characters in the movie, all real especially the prison inmates. The reality of this situation is portrayed quiet skillfully and subtly. The story feels really paced around the end, and ends on a note where we do not get a full glimpse of Damien's character, it feels hard to empathize with him but considering it is a short film script, we have to let that go. Since we have a passive lead character in here, Damien, as the story events comes to him, the dialogue can not be used to drive the script forward and that's what you did. I really appreciate it. Personally I think it would b quite better if you focus on the life of Marcus or Jack in a side story so that we can understand their character more properly and precisely. Although not an expert but I would like to advice you that cut the introduction of character in the start and the scenes with Alex and Tiffany and rather bring in the basement scene a little early so that we can get a glimpse of the character of the inmates. I am saying this because I feel the main events that matter revolve around the arena and the gladiator battles. I don't get symbols easily so if the first few scene's purpose are to introduce them to us , it would be good to skip the upper advice. It's sharp but the story does not feel original, though what matters is the execution but I feel that it wasn't explored much too. The climax is quite expected and predictable, though its real but this won't satisfy the reader. You write the script quite clearly though, it's perfectly readable and I enjoyed it too. Here the script is events driven rather then character which is of course you intended to do. It would be better if you add some memory or drifting scenes when Damien was in the cell, to provide a better connection to him and also with the other
A FBI officer takes upon a homicide case unofficially when he finds it similar to his late wife's homicide meanwhile a young lady cop investigates a recent bomb explosion