I actually thought it was pretty darn funny. I didn't crack up laughing but I did have a pretty big smile after I read the husband's dying wish. Obviously you did not have much to work with since it is strictly a 1 minute short, but you made good use of the time that you did have. I liked the contrast that you had with the scene being quite sad for everyone involved but it also managed to be really silly at the same time. I'm a little bit surprised that you chose for the dying man to be in his 30s since its not common for people to succumb to illnesses at that age. Not that its a bad thing necessarily just curious about why you chose to go that route. I think its probably better off if audiences are not given any context though, it makes the randomness of it more funny. I guess the only feedback I really have is that you could show the reaction that everybody else in the room had to Cody's fart. It looks like you still have a little bit of room left there at the end to make a short description of people's reactions. Even if people have no reaction, that could probably still be pretty funny. You could have people wrinkling their noses or closing their eyes, to indicate that it is a particularly smelly fart as well and not just a loud one. Or show somehow that people are trying really hard to be polite even though it was a very unpleasant situation. I think it would probably break the contrasting moods too much if people openly reacted with disgust or made a joke out of the situation. It would probably be best to show them really subtly trying to hide their disgust and be polite. Well unfortunately there's not a whole lot to say since its only a 1 page script. But overall I think you did a really good job with the amount of space that you had. I think you still have a little bit more space left to add in that last element to seal in the humor. Given the strict length requirement, gotta make use of any space that you got. Once that is completed, however, I think that your script will be ready to go whenever you plan on having it it sent.
The concept and the story of your script is strong and compelling from the first ten pages. I felt gripped by the story very quickly. The hypothetical crisis of fertility in the fictional world was the story's strongest aspect. The characters did well to reflect the ideological struggle that motivated their actions. I also found the world created to be interesting and immersive. The chemistry between characters was well detailed and the nuances of their feelings towards each other was written in a visually powerful manner. I did have some trouble, however, with comprehending a few aspects of it. One aspect that didn't feel explained clearly to me is the accusations of perversion and impure blood that government employees made towards people in the fertility camp. It comes up at several points but I wasn't really sure why they were accusing them of these things. I presume this is a conflict over mixed couples of some kind but I couldn't tell. If this is an angle you want to continue with I'd recommend establishing that B-conflict more. If it makes the script too long, however, and then I'd recommend taking it out as it might just confuse audiences. Another point I wasn't entirely clear on was whether the issue of fertility was women's wombs being incapable of reproduction or whether it was women avoiding marriage. I would probably recommend a scene where a radio station talks more in-depth about the root causes of the fertility crisis so that audience members have a more clear idea of what the problem is and what the government's solution to it is. It also took several re-reads for me to figure out exactly why the government considers' Isabella to be so important to solving the fertility crisis. In the first half of the story, I was pretty hooked, but felt my interest waning in the second half. I think you could enhance audience interest in the second half of the story by adding more details of what's going on in the broader scope of the world. Details such as how much do people in this world agree or disagree with the government's solution to the fertility crisis, or small statistics such as what percentage of women are actually infertile help bring your world to life and enhance the audience's immersion into the story. Inserting little details like this along the well will help people feel like they are discovering more about the world you created as they continue watching. It will also make the resolution feel more impactful, which I didn't quite feel because I didn't have a good grasp on what the broader impact of their actions would be. Overall I felt that it was a pretty good story that has a lot of potential, but just needs to have several points expanded upon.
A college student is forced to take 8:00 AM classes for the first time in his life. He soon learns, however, that the consequences of sleep deprivation are far more serious than he could have ever imagined.