I felt that this story needed to be funnier, considering how it was filed under comedy. I didn't laugh, I felt no emotion. If it is supposed to be a comedy, it needs to make me smile or laugh but this just didn't do that. I felt that this was way too short. We need a little bit more to go on. There is virtually no character development. The concept was okay, it wasn't boring, but at the same time, it wasn't rather interesting. The structure of the story was also very well done and it was one of the best things that you did. But back to the character development, there was none to be found. I wanted to know more about who these people are. It didn't really pull me in, The story was okay, but It didn't really pull me in or anything. I just felt nothing, no emotion. I was expecting it to be different. It needs to be something that stirs up some sort of emotion or feeling. And I just didn't get that with this film. I wanted a lot more, and unfortunately, I didn't get that. People will feel the same way about this if you don't do something about it. The story in itself was just plain boring, and I had no connection to it whatsoever, unfortunately. It needs to be funny if it is filed under a comedy. I can't press that anymore so. You just need to strip the story down and see what works and what doesn't. Then you can ideally put together something that you will enjoy, and people will enjoy it as well. Just work hard at it, and maybe this story will turn out to be something that will really capture people's attention, and will make them say "Hey that was really good, this guy really is good" If you work hard at it, I am sure that you will be able to accomplish this, and your story will become something far better than what it is now. I think you could do it. I believe you can. This review isn't supposed to be an insult, but rather a helpful guide, that may help you on your journey to complete and make better this story. So I wish you good luck, and I hope that this review has helped you, and will continue to help you.
I felt that this was way too short. We need a little bit more to go on. There is virtually no character development. We don't know what either of them looks like. The concept was okay, it wasn't boring, but at the same time, it wasn't rather interesting. In fact, it was what you did do however, it was dialogue. I felt that it was excellent and that you know how to write what people would say. The structure of the story was also very well done and it was one of the best things that you did. But back to the character development, there was none to be found. I wanted to know more about who these people are. It didn't really pull me in, because they just rush into a theater, and they sit down and watch a horror film. People want well-written characters, and unfortunately, these characters were not well written. I know its a short film, but at the same time, you need some character development or else the story just doesn't work. The story was okay, but I didn't really understand it in the least bit. They watch a film, and some horrible baby comes out of the woman's gut. There is no build-up. Even if it is a short film, you need some build-up or else it just feels rushed, and that is exactly how I felt. Rushed. I want a slower buildup, and then you can go hog wild or whatever, but it just didn't work for me. Maybe to others, it will, but to me, it did not, and the only thing that I felt after reading, was that it was way to fast, and I needed it to slow down. The concept was also just weird and didn't work for me. It didn't make any sense, and people need some sense to know if this is a good film. So for me, unfortunately, this was a subpar film, that definitely needs some work, before possibly trying to actually make it. I want more, and people will want more if they are to think that this is a very good film. So keep at it, and maybe it will soon be so. You just need to work a little bit harder, before trying to get it made into a short film. But I think that you will be able to do so, so good luck.
I really liked this story. It has a great concept with chilling results, and good dialogue. It made me happy to read it and write this review. I think that this could eventually become a very good short film. The only thing that I would recommend to you is these things. You should make a little more character development for Gamboni. Only him; I like how the other two women are shrouded in mystery. It makes us conjure up ideas, as to what these women want, is it something sinister, or is it something else. It is a thought-provoking story, that keeps you on the edge of your seat, not many stories are like that anymore, and this is good for doing just that. Gamboni just needs to be drawn out just a little bit more, so that I could connect with him. The dialogue was good, and I was actually hoping for a little more, I wanted more. I think that that is one of the few problems that I have with this story, is that there should be more dialogue. And the dialogue should be smart, and well thought out. Not rushed, or some stupid sentence or two that would draw people away from the story. I think that you could do this, as you have good dialogue in the story anyway. The story in itself was very smart, and well put together so that it kept me wanting more. So many stories now are just plain boring, but you kept me wanting more. That is something that everyone should say, is that I wanted more. The less we know about them the better. I would like the ending to be a little more memorable and chilling. The ending was better than most, but it needs a little extra zing to it so that I will remember it a little more. I think that what you did in creating a good atmosphere was terrific, and you should be commended for that. This, in all honesty, was very well done, and you should be very proud of yourself. You just need to work on it a little while longer, working out the minor kinks, and leaks in your story. Once you have accomplished this, it will be ready for people far and wide to enjoy I think. Just keep at it, and soon it will be ready for the world to view it.
The story idea is fantastical, though it has been thought of before. It makes you want to read the screenplay when you read the story's description. It draws me in, because it is an interesting premise, that will make people interested in it a lot. However, some things in the script did not work. It felt a little rushed, and clunky at times. I want more, not less. It will work better if it was a little longer, and I had time to ease into the story. The beginning is the key if you start off clunky than a lot of the time people will not want to watch anymore. You need to make it so that our attention is grabbed from the beginning. The characters are underwritten, and there needs to be more focus on them, in the script. I want to know more what each of the characters looks like, so I can have a better image of them in my head, and I will not be looking for more in the story. The dialogue also feels sort of unrealistic, and that needs to be revitalized so that it will not pull me out of the script. There is nothing worse than bad dialogue in a movie that is supposed to be taken seriously. There also needs to be more time spent inside the actual movies that Richard is going into, more world-building. Show not tell. Once I get a good idea of the movie, then I will focus instead on the characters themselves, and not on what is missing from the story that you are trying to tell. The ending also left much to be desired, and I wanted a more definite end. I want an ending that stays with me in a good way. This ending was forgettable, and it needs to be better. If you leave off on a sour note, people will say, "That was a good movie, but it was ruined by the ending" People remember the ending of movies so much more than anything else, even if the ending isn't the best part of the story. It is sad but true. People will kill you for a bad ending, so make it better. Overall, at this point it needs work, but it definitely could be something good, if you put more work into it. Then maybe just maybe, people will pay more attention to it.