Albi BIba

Albi B.

Ranking
Fade In
Reviewer Rating
N/A
Scripts
1
Reviews
1
Scripts
feature

Humann Nature Draft #1

Sign In to see % Rating
Adrian and Lewis try to evade their entanglement in an occutlic, esoteric crime community by performing a number of idiosyncratic tasks.
Reviews
Following
Activity
AlbiBIba
Albi BIba 4 years ago

completed a review for

Final Destination 6 short
Genre: Horror
Rating: 13%
It seems as if the script was rushed, not fleshing out the concept whatsoever or giving characters any sort of redeemable value. There is a plethora of grammatical and screenwriting errors, all seemingly due to not being proofread. Everything didactic aside, the overall concept could be a fun adventure especially correlating with it's short run time, but it seems like there was no effort into making the narrative redeemable. Characters seem to just be there to push the story along, and things seem to happen just because they're fun. With the state the script is currently in, I'd find it hard for it to be produced into an actual entertaining short. I'm not trying to go on a diatribe, but it just seems like the writer is inexperienced and wasn't passionate about this project whatsoever. Simple logical and continuity errors are prevalent. Conversely, I could see it becoming something with intrinsic entertainment value if the script is given another draft or even proofread. The writer seems to be filled with fun ideas and the ability to create a good time, there just has to be a fixation on the development of his/her articulation skills. I love the idea of alternating scenarios and sporadically switching from one character to the next, but if it is executed in such a rushed way, it loses all potential it had to be fun. To digress, I also think the writer should challenge themselves more often in the script. They seems to resort to the superficial violent scene - which is fine, but I'd like to see a bit more sentiment or at least use of clever scene building, with things I've never seen before happen. I need something to make me remember this script. I've seen people's neck get sliced with glass aplenty, but what is something like the character gets glass thrown into his eye sockets. It seems weird, but I'm just suggesting anything that will gain the audiences attention and make them actually remember the film, having it be something they've never seen before. Lastly, things seem to be happening just because they're happening. I don't mind a film begin shrouded in ambiguity, but I want to have the feeling that the writer or film is on to something, or the piece has purpose, sentiment, or just something to say. This just seems like something made to purely entertain someone, but that's it's vital flaw. In order to be entertained, the audience needs to have a degree of respect for the film, appreciating what it's going for. That could include going for a fun ride, like this is trying to be. But what this piece does wrong is that it focuses way too hard on doing so. The writer should be writing because he/she loves it, not to adhere to the audiences needs. That will matriculate into a good film. Obviously I'm no expert, and I'm far from an established writer, but these are just my constructive thoughts. If there was anything you'd want to take away from this, it's just that you should keep at it, keep writing and keep learning, you're for sure capable.
AlbiBIba
Albi BIba 4 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Final Destination 6 short
Genre: Horror
James is an ordinary actor, who gets a vision, and ends up living it.
AlbiBIba
Albi BIba 4 years ago

uploaded a script.

Humann Nature feature
Genre: Drama,Crime,Mystery/Suspense
Adrian and Lewis try to evade their entanglement in an occutlic, esoteric crime community by performing a number of idiosyncratic tasks.
AlbiBIba
Albi BIba 4 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!