The product of a pair of CA police/detectives, I'm convinced my obsession with justice and criminology is in my blood. As a child, while my mom cleaned her service weapon at the coffee table in front of the news, I would sneak into her case files. I pored over gruesome crime scene photos, and her investigation notes played out as horror/mystery films in my mind. It was thrilling, and horrifying, and eventually, routine. Now, I write to understand the monsters. I dissect them, I become them, I fall in love with them, and I destroy them, one story at a time.
The formatting makes it unnecessarily challenging to read, but it's seems as though you know formatting, so perhaps this is a software issue. Consider looking into a free software to make things easier for both you and the reader in the future. The lack of slugline in the introduction makes it difficult to understand where we are. The mention of the many faces-- are we zooming in on a man in a crowd? Who's then lighting a cigarette? The spacial description has me lost. Is this an introduction like a Creature Feature, or are we Flashing Back? It feels like a stageplay, but with the time hopping it must be for film. It's quite a monologue, and I'm struggling to understand why were going on this tour. The visuals feel more like emphasis. You're flipping the saying "show, don't tell" on it's head, which can be a huge challenge to do right. Your characters either have to be hugely relatable, or absurd, and I don't think it's enough here. It's not until page 10 that we get a full scene. Format-wise, it's a challenge to break down dialogue vs. monologuing, so I'll say that the dialogue is fun. I like the antiquated speech, as it lends to this alien feeling overall. I think the story could be told more succinctly with much less monologuing/introduction and outro. By page 22, it ocurred to me how bonkers this could be translated to a one-man show, but it's difficult to understand how this story would be told. I hope your next draft is formatted for easier reading, as it was super intimidating, and it's weird to be intimidated by slapstick fear-boners.
In the 1950s, a neurotic florist's strict routine is derailed after stumbling across a murder scene, and he's thrust into a conspiracy only his all-consuming obsession can unravel.
A veteran's struggle with mental illness is exacerbated when he finds himself trapped in his small apartment.
When James receives an unexpected letter from his lost wife, he sets off to find her in "their special place," a trip that quickly turns into a waking nightmare of twisted monsters.