ScriptMother

Damian R

Plot Twist
Favorite Genres:
Action/Thriller/Sci-Fi

I am a writer from the UK and a student of the craft for many years. Until now I've never wanted to put my work out there but I love the craft so much and enjoy the process that I feel maybe now us the time to share; knowledge and work.


Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 1
Reviews: 14

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Recent Activity

Damian R completed a review for
2 months ago
We'll Be Safe Up There feature
Genre: Horror,Thriller
Review Rating:

Yes, I really liked the idea. A well written and thought out tell with believable dialogue. This concept has been walked over and walked over so many times it's worn away a crater, so when I began reading, I was wondering would this story it fall smack bang into that crater as well. To my surprise, no it doesn't. I was actually quite staggered by the intriguing purpose of this murderous cult. They celebrate their own history to form a new ideology, fathomed from the ongoing virus pandemic, by using the immune, in their rituals, as a means of survival. At least that's how I interpret it. And that's great, a perfect concept to set a tale around. Wearing other peoples faces as mask?! Nice horror element but gross as hell. The trio of protagonists were well rounded but could have more depth to their personalities, sometimes it was a little difficult to differentiate them and I felt like Mac and Izzy's relationship with Dev turned quite suddenly, in ACT2b, without gradually getting their. But, having said that, all three were still very interesting and I was rooting for them throughout. The setups and payoffs were good, especially the Christa scar set up as that was quite integral to the fracturing of the Cult's seduction of Mac and Izzy. The nine page opener, although it is a good opener, seemed a little over paced. Six pages would settle better for me. The general pacing of ACT2a and ACT2b did also come across a little slow; the suspense sequence when Jack first appears to the trio and Jenn's death, were the only really gripping moments of action, everything else serves as exposition or a means to move forward. Don't get me wrong that's all good, it would have been nice to have seen a little more action; the seduction elements especially as they may come across as cliche in some eyes. The ending was a bit cheesy but I enjoyed all the same. But on the whole this script is workable. I liked the writing style, I liked the story, I liked the screenplay.

Damian R just claimed a review for a script.
2 months ago
We'll Be Safe Up There feature
Genre: Horror,Thriller
Logline: During the pandemic, a writer flees the city with his wife and brother to a cabin Upstate - and encounters a murderous cult.
Damian R completed a review for
2 months ago
Alternative (Rough Draft) feature
Damian R just claimed a review for a script.
2 months ago
Alternative (Rough Draft) feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Comedy
Logline: After getting fed up with evil winning in the end of horror movies, a man decides to take matters into his own hands.
Damian R just claimed a review for a script.
1 year ago
Moving Day feature
Genre: Comedy,Horror,Mystery/Suspense
Logline: In an alternate reality a young couple's weekend stay at a small town hotel reveals bigger secrets that the town has been hiding.
Damian R completed a review for
1 year ago
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
Review Rating:

Really good. I enjoyed the read very much. The subject matter of dealing with self inflicted mental illness and how it consumes us, such as guilt, is very real and relevant, especially is in todays day and age, albeit not in such extraordinary circumstance such as this story but, for the sake of drama, I totally get it. The tone is set up from the start and the writer comes across as aware of the theme in place because there is a strong sense of story here that has a clear direction that ends in a satisfying way, although probably not in the most appropriate way. Which is suicide. Don't get me wrong; Revenge. Suspense. Excitement. Got to add some spice to such morbid subject matter to keep this thing a page turner. I'd be thinking along the same lines too. I've marked this story up highly because everything is in place to rewrite and hone the craft into a great screenplay. However, I did wonder what it was that drove Brooks to the booze, which lead to drink driving, which led to killing Sammy. So, although the Hooded Man connected the dots for the reader, I did feel that not all the dots were connected. The flashback scenes with the grandparent threw me somewhat as I couldn't see the relevance, unless it was to foreshadow the scene where Brooks steals money from the homeless man. If that's the case I can safely say I would understand his need to steal without the flashback. It's tough living rough. Speaking of foreshadowing, alluding to the Honda in the phone call with his father and the child playing with the toy cars in the café was a good move. The scenes are well written and polished and, like I've already said, it really set the tone of the story. There are minor craft concerns with regards to structure and dialogue which I'd rather discuss in my additional notes as it's not a direct influence on my review. Because craft is craft, we're students of it with our own opinions and style; and my thought process may not align with yours. Also, on a final note, the length of the script might, and probably will, come across as way too long for a short feature; the length of Man on a Phone is borderline episodic TV. But again this is probably down to its place in the rewriting process, nothing honing the craft can't fix.

Damian R just claimed a review for a script.
1 year ago
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
Logline: A careless young man finds his life falling apart after encountering a mysterious hooded stranger.
Damian R just purchased a review. Claim it here
1 year ago
Jed's End short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
Logline: A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian R completed a review for
1 year ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Review Rating:

What is this about? I don't get it. Is this really a short story or an attempt at opening a future Bond feature? I only ask myself that question because a song by Melissa Fine is written in as an opening credit song on p4, which is one page before the script ends; that's strange for a short story. Also, the song is seems too upbeat for a Bond flick to me, although, I'm not really an expert on Bond theme tunes to have an opinion on that. Then I ask myself is this even a story because I couldn't logline it, simply because I didn't get what Bond wanted off the page. What does he want from this story? It all seemed like a random event where neither Bond or the audience get anything out of it. On the upside, there is a dilemma; Blofeld will detonate bombs all over the world if he doesn't get Bond and 10million. Thing is, Bond doesn't react to the dilemma, he just looks to M for the answer with the line "So... What should we do? Should I surrender? What's the mission?". Just by asking those questions seemed a little out of character for Bond; the reason why Bond is who he is because he can make the tough decisions that no-one else would even comprehend. Some other things that came across as out of character, for Bond, was the swearing, specifically the F-word. So I did a google search and the worst cuss word I could find was him calling Jill St. John a bitch in Diamonds are forever. I don't think swear words have a place in Bond movies, especially the F-word. Another thing about this Bond that didn't sit right with me is him killing the clown in what came across as an random act of violence. Was the clown armed? I didn't get that off the page. Does the clown have an association with Blofeld or is he someone who is going to help Bond? I didn't get that off the page either. Bottom line is, Bond isn't just going to kill someone, who could otherwise be just an innocent man, without just cause; the consequences would be dire. Also, Bond works for an intelligence agency, so even if the clown was there to kill him, I'm pretty sure Bond would want to extract information before shooting him. I believe a better understanding of the Bond character, traits/behaviours, strengths/weaknesses and flaws, would provide for a better tell. If someone is to write a Bond story then it's only right to stay true to the original creation of Flemming. Anyway, the end of the script begins to interpret this whole thing as a dream/memory like he is struggling to escape the trauma inflicted by his run ins with Blofeld. If that's the case, then okay, I kind of get the impression but I certainly didn't get it off the page. Dialogue is okay, seemed natural enough, although there were some exchanges that could have been done away with subtext, but as it stands, it wasn't distracting enough to take me out of the moment. It's difficult to measure the structure because there's no (apparent) story to weave through it, the bare bones are probably there but it just not fleshed out enough to warrant a tell. There is nothing compelling about this Bond or this story at this time. It needs a complete retool and a logline from the writer; if a writer can't tell their story in one or two sentences, then it's not worth telling.

Erez
Very mature, revenge review!! You did read that it says it's not complete and I'm looking for ideas to help me think of how to continue, for theme songs, tomorrow never dies, writings on the wall, another way to die, skyfall, you know my name, do more research, plus Fleming has swears in the books, which I've been listening to, you probably only watched the movies, which I even doubt very much!!! You don't need fade out, fade in, because not all movies scripts have that!!! Your criticism was not professional at all because it was for revenge, I gave an honest review that you took to heart as an attack, which your grammar and spelling were horrendous, sorry but I am personally attacking your review, not you or you script!!! Well maybe you too!!!
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Damian R just claimed a review for a script.
1 year ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Logline: Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.

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