The script is really well written. The opening sequence when she is tossing toys in the trunk does a great job of showing us that she has kids, and Des looking at her backside is a spot-on setup for his flirtations. Moving into the car I could feel the tightness of it all which added to the awkward interaction. The breathing exercise does a really great job of calming the mood and moving the scene into the next. Nora and Des flirt very naturally together their dialogue is very smooth. This is a really good moment and we get to know Des's character better. This scene also does a nice job of establishing the mood of deception. Nora definitely seems to be holding something back. The shared laugh at the end of the scene is a nice transition into the scene at the gate. Once they get to the gate and discover that they have to jump the fence they make the decision fairly easily with nothing really at stake. It's a risk-reward scenario and the reward does not seem worth the trespassing risk. Maybe there is an opportunity here to make this photo session have more meaning? Getting into the meadow, and Nora easing into the situation is nice, it feels right. The montage helps push the moment along nicely and expresses the trust Nora and Des share in an honest way. The build-up to the moment when Des has to get nude is well done. The yelling startles them and their reactions are honest and not over dramatic or comedic. The gunshot gives excellent justification for Nora to leave her gear behind, run, and not look back. This is also another good scene for Des's character, it shows a protective side to him that helps to round him out. The final scene is really fun and Nora starting it off so overcome by nerves and emotion and adrenaline that she pukes is as real of a response as a reader can ask for. When Des goes to console her and looks through the pictures he has a moment with her that causes her to confess. This moment feels a little rushed and inauthentic compared to every other moment in the script. They both almost got away with whatever it is they wanted to do that day, unharmed. She blurts out her confession almost unprompted and unapologetic, and it doesn't have any effect on Des anyway. And vice versa, his confession of being seventeen doesn't seem to really bother Nora.

The characters, in my opinion, are not developed enough for this story to be believable. There are more questions as to why anyone is doing what they are doing in the story than there are answers. Why is Kate there? She's having an affair with Leslie's husband...why would she go? There could easily be something in the opening scene that directly expresses that. Kate's there, so there should be a very strong reason for that. Why is Leslie doing this? To find someone to take care of her husband? Or to get her husband's lover to commit murder? Either way, it doesn't matter because in the end her mother obliges and there's no resolution to any of the problems Kate has to face. Leslie should have a very strong motivating factor for wanting to specifically have Kate end her life. The relationships between these characters aren't fleshed out enough to really get invested in their lives. Where do Kate and Frank work specifically? What type of cancer does Leslie have? Frank entering seems like bad timing. Is it? Or did Leslie plan on them being in the room together? It feels like there is a missed opportunity for a little drama to take place at that moment. Frank doesn't act like one might think a husband should act when confronted with his lover in front of his dying wife. Why does Leslie want flowers? Is there a significance for the flowers? Why would Kate return the next morning? Out of pity? Did she really have that strong of a connection or feel that remorseful? Then there needs to be a line to address that emotion. What kind of mother kills their own child? That's an interesting character that has no rhyme or reason to be there other than to kill her kid. There are stronger choices to make that will satisfy the story and the reader better. What's the message in this story? Is there a message in this story? Is there some kind of lesson the reader should be learning? Is this just for voyeurism? Too many questions by the end of the script and not enough resolution. Giving each character specific backstories and then clearer motivations will certainly help strengthen this script. If the mother is there to put her daughter out of her misery then there should be a line to clarify. Something simple and direct would suffice.