Spadozor

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 0
Reviews: 3

Short Bio

Nothing here.

Recent Activity

Spadozor completed a review for
4 months ago
In Imminent Time short
Genre: Thriller,Comedy
Review Rating:
A man travels back through time to try and stop himself from getting his parents killed.

The concept is interesting we already seen lots of travels movies but this one is interesting thanks to the presence of Lucas who's a hothead. The concept behind CHINA and the Aliens could be developed a little bit more. It will be interesting to know the reason for the riot. During the first ten pages, I was looking forward to more gag not necessarily turning the story into a freakshow but something funny to remember me of the comedy. The swinging katana and nunchaku part was cool. I guess since the story essentially focuses on the dialogue, it makes hard to craft some visual comedy. The logline could include the drunken and irresponsible side of him. That could be interesting to exploit since we already a bunch of stories like this that could make it stand out from the crowd. During your scenes you made it a couple of time, the character talk to himself. You should instead make him act in a way to show is thought or feeling. And you overused the parenthesis. For example from the end of page 10 to 11 when Luke speaks. You used 5 parentheses. You should make an action line even if that cut through the dialogue. Parenthesis should be used only before the dialogue not in the middle or at the end. The dialogue is the main element in your story, you don't really show the story. It really is explained through the dialogue. Your use of it is done right but overused. The dialogue feels natural but there is a big amount of it. It will be hard to do more since he's tied up on a chair but by starting to show his body language instead of making him talk to himself is going to help you. But we can sure follow the story thanks to the dialogue. The conflicts are multiple, Lucas against Luke, the fate of his parents, the riot and the alliance between Aliens and China. We essentially focus on Lucas against Luke and his parents. It is not a bad choice since they are antagonist and protagonist. Since the story is short you don't really have the time to focus on the latter. The pacing could be work on like I said before with more showing, reducing the parenthesis to ease the reading. The Climax isn't good enough. It feels like we should get more of the story and the character. We didn't really have any evolution from Lucas and Luke is going back to the same point. Nothing has been solved his parents are still going to be slaves, the US is still going to riot against itself and China will take over the US with the help of the Aliens.

4 months ago
1 reviews
30 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a short script
4 months ago
In Imminent Time short
Genre: Thriller,Comedy
A man travels back through time to try and stop himself from getting his parents killed.
4 months ago
1 reviews
30 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
4 months ago
Underwood feature
Genre: Horror
When a missing persons case lead authorities to the farm of a mysterious recluse, he’s forced to go to war with law enforcement to protect a sinister force that could destroy the entire town.
1 year ago
2 reviews
105 pages
Spadozor completed a review for
4 months ago
ALEX feature
Genre: Thriller
Review Rating:
A Korean-American archeologist wakes up in the middle of the Sahara desert after the terrorist-hijacked plane crash landed, only to realize that he is the final missing piece of the upcoming nuclear war.

The concept is correct, the fact that we're going from an archeological finding to an international crisis is interesting. It could have been interesting to connect is the archeological field with the crisis. The first ten pages are interesting, even if we're triggered onto something different than what we are dealing with further in the story. I was hooked by the potential of the story. The discussion with David could be shortened but it's okay. In term of scenes, I liked in the plane when asked if he is a kind of Indiana Jones. The responses Tomb Raiding (Tomb Raider) and Lara Craft (Lara Croft). I don't know if it was on purpose but he made me laugh that the character could do the mistake. Be careful about your typos. Alex is an interesting character you should maybe show a little bit more the distress. You already built an evolution around him in term of his status and family but it will be interesting to see a drastic change into is behavior. Show a bit more of the exhaustion is facing and the mental difficulties. You should make him more active from the moment the plane crashes to his death Alex follows the story and is being ordered around. He doesn't change the story he endures it. Sayed is also an interesting character Sadistic and cruel. The official agent, they all look alike. They act in the same fashion. The character of Argus is passed over even if he is the one who hired Sayed. Their motives aren't cleared we don't really have a clear sense of which organization are the bad ones. In term of dialogue, you should have a big work on it. They often seem too corny, there are parts that could be just shown. for example: P9 he talks to himself. He could instead just stares oddly at John sighs and rolls his eyes. And finally, be careful with your typos. We understand very quickly what is at stake (Alex lives and US security). But the connexion is a bit rough because the informations are hidden from Alex and the reader. You could give the reader information that Alex doesn't know a conversation between a soldier and an official or something. Because we get all the information at the same time as Alex and it can grow frustration or incomprehension until the end. The climax is interesting but the death of Alex seems really easy after being through two planes crashes and being hunted for weeks being shot in the back seems too easy. Again look at your typos, the flow of your story because it blocks me sometime on my reading, the time, grammar and the missing word.

6 months ago
3 reviews
88 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
4 months ago
ALEX feature
Genre: Thriller
A Korean-American archeologist wakes up in the middle of the Sahara desert after the terrorist-hijacked plane crash landed, only to realize that he is the final missing piece of the upcoming nuclear war.
6 months ago
3 reviews
88 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
5 months ago
You're Not All There Is feature
Genre: Horror
Darren is bullied by an abusive father. Inexplicably, he begins to transform.
1 year ago
4 reviews
77 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a short script
7 months ago
Postman's Etiquette short
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
A postman gets requited as a state agent because he has a time travel ability
7 months ago
3 reviews
36 pages
Spadozor completed a review for
7 months ago
Inner City Blues feature
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:
Trying his best to not get swallowed up by the streets of Southside Jamaica, Queens, Trey maneuvers through the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism and socio-economic disenfranchisement that his hood brings, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.

the concept is really strong there is a clear idea of the story and sets up is well done. We immediately get into the story thanks to the flashback early in the story. But without the flashback, the story drags a little bit just the fact that he goes to work already takes 15 to 20 pages. In term of the scenes, I had a hard time with the intercut, it was very confusing as it hard to focus on two locations at the same time when reading. It's the same for the cut, fade in and music. Everything should be dealt with during production. You should develop a bit more on the antagonist instead of a scene like Swag and the Babies who last long and doesn't really advance the story. the main character is very compelling we feel for him and his sorrow. You could maybe cut short some of the scene like with Cece and hustler since it's a minor role and focus on Tremaine or Roc.

8 months ago
4 reviews
97 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
7 months ago
Inner City Blues feature
Genre: Drama
Trying his best to not get swallowed up by the streets of Southside Jamaica, Queens, Trey maneuvers through the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism and socio-economic disenfranchisement that his hood brings, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.
8 months ago
4 reviews
97 pages
Spadozor just joined ScriptMother!
7 months ago

Screenplays

No screenplays.

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Reviews

Rating is only available to members
8 months ago | 4 reviews | 97 pages

ALEX
Feature

Rating is only available to members
6 months ago | 3 reviews | 88 pages
SHOW MORE
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 1 reviews | 30 pages
SHOW MORE

Spadozor

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 0
Reviews: 3

Short Bio

Nothing here.

Screenplays

No screenplays have been uploaded. Add a screenplay.

SHOW MORE
SHOW MORE

Reviews

Rating is only available to members
8 months ago | 4 reviews | 97 pages

ALEX
Feature

Rating is only available to members
6 months ago | 3 reviews | 88 pages
SHOW MORE
Rating is only available to members
8 months ago | 4 reviews | 97 pages

ALEX
Feature

Rating is only available to members
6 months ago | 3 reviews | 88 pages
SHOW MORE

Recent Activity

Spadozor completed a review for
4 months ago
In Imminent Time short
Genre: Thriller,Comedy
Review Rating:
A man travels back through time to try and stop himself from getting his parents killed.

The concept is interesting we already seen lots of travels movies but this one is interesting thanks to the presence of Lucas who's a hothead. The concept behind CHINA and the Aliens could be developed a little bit more. It will be interesting to know the reason for the riot. During the first ten pages, I was looking forward to more gag not necessarily turning the story into a freakshow but something funny to remember me of the comedy. The swinging katana and nunchaku part was cool. I guess since the story essentially focuses on the dialogue, it makes hard to craft some visual comedy. The logline could include the drunken and irresponsible side of him. That could be interesting to exploit since we already a bunch of stories like this that could make it stand out from the crowd. During your scenes you made it a couple of time, the character talk to himself. You should instead make him act in a way to show is thought or feeling. And you overused the parenthesis. For example from the end of page 10 to 11 when Luke speaks. You used 5 parentheses. You should make an action line even if that cut through the dialogue. Parenthesis should be used only before the dialogue not in the middle or at the end. The dialogue is the main element in your story, you don't really show the story. It really is explained through the dialogue. Your use of it is done right but overused. The dialogue feels natural but there is a big amount of it. It will be hard to do more since he's tied up on a chair but by starting to show his body language instead of making him talk to himself is going to help you. But we can sure follow the story thanks to the dialogue. The conflicts are multiple, Lucas against Luke, the fate of his parents, the riot and the alliance between Aliens and China. We essentially focus on Lucas against Luke and his parents. It is not a bad choice since they are antagonist and protagonist. Since the story is short you don't really have the time to focus on the latter. The pacing could be work on like I said before with more showing, reducing the parenthesis to ease the reading. The Climax isn't good enough. It feels like we should get more of the story and the character. We didn't really have any evolution from Lucas and Luke is going back to the same point. Nothing has been solved his parents are still going to be slaves, the US is still going to riot against itself and China will take over the US with the help of the Aliens.

4 months ago
1 reviews
30 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a short script
4 months ago
In Imminent Time short
Genre: Thriller,Comedy
A man travels back through time to try and stop himself from getting his parents killed.
4 months ago
1 reviews
30 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
4 months ago
Underwood feature
Genre: Horror
When a missing persons case lead authorities to the farm of a mysterious recluse, he’s forced to go to war with law enforcement to protect a sinister force that could destroy the entire town.
1 year ago
2 reviews
105 pages
Spadozor completed a review for
4 months ago
ALEX feature
Genre: Thriller
Review Rating:
A Korean-American archeologist wakes up in the middle of the Sahara desert after the terrorist-hijacked plane crash landed, only to realize that he is the final missing piece of the upcoming nuclear war.

The concept is correct, the fact that we're going from an archeological finding to an international crisis is interesting. It could have been interesting to connect is the archeological field with the crisis. The first ten pages are interesting, even if we're triggered onto something different than what we are dealing with further in the story. I was hooked by the potential of the story. The discussion with David could be shortened but it's okay. In term of scenes, I liked in the plane when asked if he is a kind of Indiana Jones. The responses Tomb Raiding (Tomb Raider) and Lara Craft (Lara Croft). I don't know if it was on purpose but he made me laugh that the character could do the mistake. Be careful about your typos. Alex is an interesting character you should maybe show a little bit more the distress. You already built an evolution around him in term of his status and family but it will be interesting to see a drastic change into is behavior. Show a bit more of the exhaustion is facing and the mental difficulties. You should make him more active from the moment the plane crashes to his death Alex follows the story and is being ordered around. He doesn't change the story he endures it. Sayed is also an interesting character Sadistic and cruel. The official agent, they all look alike. They act in the same fashion. The character of Argus is passed over even if he is the one who hired Sayed. Their motives aren't cleared we don't really have a clear sense of which organization are the bad ones. In term of dialogue, you should have a big work on it. They often seem too corny, there are parts that could be just shown. for example: P9 he talks to himself. He could instead just stares oddly at John sighs and rolls his eyes. And finally, be careful with your typos. We understand very quickly what is at stake (Alex lives and US security). But the connexion is a bit rough because the informations are hidden from Alex and the reader. You could give the reader information that Alex doesn't know a conversation between a soldier and an official or something. Because we get all the information at the same time as Alex and it can grow frustration or incomprehension until the end. The climax is interesting but the death of Alex seems really easy after being through two planes crashes and being hunted for weeks being shot in the back seems too easy. Again look at your typos, the flow of your story because it blocks me sometime on my reading, the time, grammar and the missing word.

6 months ago
3 reviews
88 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
4 months ago
ALEX feature
Genre: Thriller
A Korean-American archeologist wakes up in the middle of the Sahara desert after the terrorist-hijacked plane crash landed, only to realize that he is the final missing piece of the upcoming nuclear war.
6 months ago
3 reviews
88 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
5 months ago
You're Not All There Is feature
Genre: Horror
Darren is bullied by an abusive father. Inexplicably, he begins to transform.
1 year ago
4 reviews
77 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a short script
7 months ago
Postman's Etiquette short
Genre: Mystery/Suspense
A postman gets requited as a state agent because he has a time travel ability
7 months ago
3 reviews
36 pages
Spadozor completed a review for
7 months ago
Inner City Blues feature
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:
Trying his best to not get swallowed up by the streets of Southside Jamaica, Queens, Trey maneuvers through the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism and socio-economic disenfranchisement that his hood brings, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.

the concept is really strong there is a clear idea of the story and sets up is well done. We immediately get into the story thanks to the flashback early in the story. But without the flashback, the story drags a little bit just the fact that he goes to work already takes 15 to 20 pages. In term of the scenes, I had a hard time with the intercut, it was very confusing as it hard to focus on two locations at the same time when reading. It's the same for the cut, fade in and music. Everything should be dealt with during production. You should develop a bit more on the antagonist instead of a scene like Swag and the Babies who last long and doesn't really advance the story. the main character is very compelling we feel for him and his sorrow. You could maybe cut short some of the scene like with Cece and hustler since it's a minor role and focus on Tremaine or Roc.

8 months ago
4 reviews
97 pages
Spadozor just claimed a review for a feature script
7 months ago
Inner City Blues feature
Genre: Drama
Trying his best to not get swallowed up by the streets of Southside Jamaica, Queens, Trey maneuvers through the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism and socio-economic disenfranchisement that his hood brings, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.
8 months ago
4 reviews
97 pages
Spadozor just joined ScriptMother!
7 months ago