roberto-agnelli

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 1
Reviews: 1

Short Bio

Nothing here.

Recent Activity

roberto-agnelli just claimed a review for a feature script
3 months ago
Southside feature
Genre: Drama
Trey goes through Southside Jamaica, Queens dealing with the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism, and socio-economic disenfranchisement, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.
3 months ago
4 reviews
97 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Drama
A hand places a golf ball on a tee. It belongs to JK ...
roberto-agnelli completed a review for
3 months ago
Mister short
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:
... She gets ready for Mister.

Consider this... This script is really good for the advert. Maybe for a lotion company or a body spray company or something. In the foyer scene, you said she took off her clothes. Then in the bathroom scene, you said she strips. Is she getting naked twice? How? I think you should drop a hint of what those two are about to do. Maybe his hand goes up to her dress just before the door closes. In general, the script needs some more elaborating. I get it. As writers, we know what we want to show. But we must find ways to make others understand us in an entertaining way. This script has a lot of mystery. It could be that a girl prepares for a night of sex. It could also be that a girl prepares to lose her virginity. It could also be that a girl prepares for a night of BDSM. Or it could be something else entirely. All I'm saying is make it clear what it is.

4 months ago
9 reviews
2 pages
roberto-agnelli just claimed a review for a short script
3 months ago
Mister short
Genre: Drama
... She gets ready for Mister.
4 months ago
9 reviews
2 pages
roberto-agnelli uploaded a short screenplay
3 months ago
Tee Party short
Genre: Drama
A hand places a golf ball on a tee. It belongs to JK ...
3 months ago
1 reviews
11 pages
roberto-agnelli just joined ScriptMother!
3 months ago

Screenplays

Tee Party
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Drama
A hand places a golf ball on a tee. It belongs to JK ...
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 1 reviews | 11 pages
SHOW MORE
SHOW MORE

Reviews

Mister
Short

Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 9 reviews | 2 pages
SHOW MORE
SHOW MORE

roberto-agnelli

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 1
Reviews: 1

Short Bio

Nothing here.

Screenplays

Tee Party
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Drama
A hand places a golf ball on a tee. It belongs to JK ...
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 1 reviews | 11 pages
SHOW MORE

Tee Party
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Drama
A hand places a golf ball on a tee. It belongs to JK ...
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 1 reviews | 11 pages
SHOW MORE

Reviews

Mister
Short

Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 9 reviews | 2 pages
SHOW MORE

Mister
Short

Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 9 reviews | 2 pages
SHOW MORE

Recent Activity

roberto-agnelli just claimed a review for a feature script
3 months ago
Southside feature
Genre: Drama
Trey goes through Southside Jamaica, Queens dealing with the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism, and socio-economic disenfranchisement, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.
3 months ago
4 reviews
97 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Drama
A hand places a golf ball on a tee. It belongs to JK ...
roberto-agnelli completed a review for
3 months ago
Mister short
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:
... She gets ready for Mister.

Consider this... This script is really good for the advert. Maybe for a lotion company or a body spray company or something. In the foyer scene, you said she took off her clothes. Then in the bathroom scene, you said she strips. Is she getting naked twice? How? I think you should drop a hint of what those two are about to do. Maybe his hand goes up to her dress just before the door closes. In general, the script needs some more elaborating. I get it. As writers, we know what we want to show. But we must find ways to make others understand us in an entertaining way. This script has a lot of mystery. It could be that a girl prepares for a night of sex. It could also be that a girl prepares to lose her virginity. It could also be that a girl prepares for a night of BDSM. Or it could be something else entirely. All I'm saying is make it clear what it is.

4 months ago
9 reviews
2 pages
roberto-agnelli just claimed a review for a short script
3 months ago
Mister short
Genre: Drama
... She gets ready for Mister.
4 months ago
9 reviews
2 pages
roberto-agnelli uploaded a short screenplay
3 months ago
Tee Party short
Genre: Drama
A hand places a golf ball on a tee. It belongs to JK ...
3 months ago
1 reviews
11 pages
roberto-agnelli just joined ScriptMother!
3 months ago