ScriptMother

Teigh Reed

Pivotal Scene

Reviewer Rating:
Scripts: 4
Reviews: 8

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Teigh Reed just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 months ago
Miss Direction (Pilot) television
Genre: Mystery/Suspense,Romance,Drama
Logline: A down- on- her luck novice mystery writer impersonates a reclusive world-renowned mystery writer in order to claim a two million dollar reward for solving a case. In over her head, she realizes she must find the real mystery writer.
Teigh Reed just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 months ago
Miss Direction (Pilot) television
Genre: Mystery/Suspense,Romance,Drama
Logline: A down- on- her luck novice mystery writer impersonates a reclusive world-renowned mystery writer in order to claim a two million dollar reward for solving a case. In over her head, she realizes she must find the real mystery writer.
Teigh Reed just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 months ago
Late Riser short
Genre: Drama
Logline: A businessman late for a meeting deals with the consequences of missing his bus.
Teigh Reed completed a review for
3 months ago
Bread and Circuses - #CarpeNoctem television
Genre: Comedy,Thriller
Review Rating:

Thoughts (while reading) Good opening Your characters do not have descriptions. You need more visuals. The way you describe Casey on page 9 works. Page 2 – the karaoke scene comes into play later on. Why not have them guess Hailey Rodgers? That could be a callback to an earlier scene. Also, a talking point for when Eric meets her. Page 14 - the characters find out what happened to the singer from the opening but the audience already knew what was going on. Work on your slug lines. A lot of times, you can’t tell where you are because you are putting everything under the same umbrella. For example, page 30, when they are on the street but get into the car and there’s dialogue. You can just have CAR as a separate action line then proceed with dialogue. ==== I like the concept of your script. If I saw it as a teaser, I would sample the episode. I think your action lines are well-written. Someone may tell you sometimes you are telling rather than showing but that is a style choice. It is not on the nose. Not too often. You have good characters but what stands out IMHO is that you write good dialogue. There are times that I do believe though that they need to stick to revealing more information and reveal more plot to push the story forward. The biggest problem that I see with the script, IMHO is the structure. The pilot is 37 pages. If this is a half-hour drama pilot like something you would see on Netflix or Amazon then that page count is fine. But if you were shooting for an hour-long drama then you missed the mark by at least 8-12 pages. So, if we take a look at your structure: At the 13 page mark… okay, we go to the 14-page mark and that is when we find out the singer is dead. Like I mentioned earlier, the viewer already knows this so this is not a shock to us. It will be for the characters. Something else needs to happen here. I think by this point in the pilot someone should have mentioned some bullshit theory relating to your secret society. Probably someone like Heather. That seems right up her alley. Second act – at 26 pages…okay at 24 pages, we find out that Hailey is a member. That works. Now, IMHO, I believe Eric should have at least in passing seen this tattoo and think nothing of it. This probably should happen before the end of the first act when they are mourning the singer. Then, the 3rd act, in the end, we find out that Casey has the mark. Eric realizes this and it ends. IMHO, I think you should end the pilot with Eric going back to the rock and investigating the drawings to make sure what happened the previous night was real. It leads to a clue and he doesn’t know what the hell it means. Eric is a good character but right now, he’s too passive. I say this because Hailey shows him the tattoo and is willing to discuss it with him. He probably should be the one who notices it and brings it up at first then Hailey could spill it. Then he will remember, where did I see this before and start to question it. At least the viewers will think so. As for the secret society, well, you are willing to show the audience so it is not a big secret. We know a few people involved but we don’t quite know their purpose. I’m guessing to push you to the top. I sort of wanted to see them again because I wanted to know what Carnelia did that was a major no no and got her killed. As for the title, keep it simple. Breads and Circus is good enough. I hope this helps.

Keith
Really appreciate these. Gratzi.
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Teigh
No problem. Like I said, I would watch it. Is it supposed to be an hour show?
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Keith
Nah. More of half-hour comedy/horror thriller. A friend said it read like Entourage meets Hot Fuzz and I was like yeah that's it.
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Keith
But yeah, your notes are really going to help when I get the chance to go at another draft. The only thing I've messed up was that the show is just called Bread & Circuses. #CarpeNoctem is the name of the episode. I'll fix that.
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Teigh Reed just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 months ago
Late Riser short
Genre: Drama
Logline: A businessman late for a meeting deals with the consequences of missing his bus.
Teigh Reed just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 months ago
Three Taps short
Genre: Romance,Drama
Logline: A woman breaks up with her remote hogging boyfriend in an unexpected way.
Teigh Reed just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 months ago
Three Taps short
Genre: Romance,Drama
Logline: A woman breaks up with her remote hogging boyfriend in an unexpected way.
Teigh Reed uploaded a script.
3 months ago
Three Taps short
Genre: Romance,Drama
Logline: A woman breaks up with her remote hogging boyfriend in an unexpected way.
Teigh Reed completed a review for
3 months ago
Christopher
Wrong draft uploaded.
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Teigh
Hello, Okay, I'll read the new one.
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Teigh Reed just claimed a review for a script.
3 months ago
Bread and Circuses - #CarpeNoctem television
Genre: Comedy,Thriller
Logline: When his best friend is suddenly put on the path to stardom, a writer realizes that Hollywood may be hiding some strange secrets.

Scripts

Miss Direction (Pilot)
Draft #2
Genre: Mystery/Suspense,Romance,Drama
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A down- on- her luck novice mystery writer impersonates a reclusive world-renowned mystery writer in order to claim a two million dollar reward for solving a case. In over her head, she realizes she must find the real mystery writer.

Late Riser
Draft #1
Genre: Drama
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A businessman late for a meeting deals with the consequences of missing his bus.

Three Taps
Draft #1
Genre: Romance,Drama
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A woman breaks up with her remote hogging boyfriend in an unexpected way.

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