Did you hear the one about the magician and the faith healer?
I want to eventually shoot this. But, I'd like thoughts. The one thing you don't have to mention, because I know already, my punctuation sucks.
17 pages | 1 reviews | 55 %
A woman with no self esteem or identity, meets the woman she's always wanted to be.
1. This is a CHARACTER STUDY not 3-Act-Structure. 2. This contains scenes many will find offensive. So, if you have PC tendencies, don't waste your time or my points. Because I will give you a deserved one star for being a script fascist. 3. This is not the type of script you can breeze through. You have to have an acting and director cap to understand each scene. Because the study is not spelled out in poor exposition. 3a) Here's a hint to understanding. Answer the following question and you're well on your way to knowing what's going on. What does the xbox scene mean? If you can't figure this out, you won't get anything else. 4. I like to shoot my own material. So, this isn't something I'm going to be shopping. I'm just looking for intelligent reviews. Which I haven't even come close to receiving so far. 5. My punctuation sucks. But, you could probably tell that from what I wrote above. But, you can still understand it. So... This is a hell of a pitch.
110 pages | 2 reviews | 43 %
Logline: An angel's art, imitates a woman's life.
An unseen couple, Diane and David have a seat in a dark empty movie theater. A grainy old film starts, and opens on a bloodied angel crying in the corner of a room. Three men enter. Two hold the angel, while the third carves off the angel's wings, and burns them. Diane is deeply disturbed by the film, while David calculates the minutes as he's waiting for the arrival of the worms. Diane's agony matches the angel's on film. She has pains in her stomach that grow with each frame of film. Midnight approaches, the angel dies, Diane explodes and a baby is born. David exclaims "It's already twelve. The end has come." The End. I interpret the ending 2 ways. 1) The angel is reborn. 2) The baby is evil. As written, it could go either way.
Logline: There are two sides to every broken heart.
A young woman at college receives a call from her stepfather that her biological father is dying, and he’d like to see her before he passes. She stops by his apartment on her way to have dinner with friends, and chides him for being absentee, useless and basically just a sperm donor for her existence. He then goes on to explain, that not being in her life was her mother’s idea. He wanted visitation rights, she’d have none of it. He explains, how he’d slip B’Day cards under the door and one year ran into Tim her stepfather. Tim reading the card set up an secret visitation date at the playground. Almost every Saturday Tim would bring her there, and Roland would watch from a far. Knowing the truth, Lily cancels her dinner plans and spends the rest of the day with her father.
Logline: There’s two sides to every broken heart
A college freshman (Lily) receives a call from her stepdad (Roland) that her biological father (Tim) is dying, and would like to see her. At first she refuses, but Roland talks her into it. Lily goes to see Tim in the hospice, and is cold to him. She plans on staying only a few minutes, because she has to meet friends for dinner. He explains how he wanted visitation rights, but her mother Erin would have none of it. He realized her mother was right, and he would never have been a good influence. But, on her birthday he’d force himself to remain sober and slip a B’Day card under their door. On her 6th B’Day, Tim ran into Roland the new stepfather and gave him the card. Roland read the card, and set up a secret rendezvous where Tim could see Lily. Most every weekend Roland would bring Lily to the park and Tim would watch from a far. Knowing that Tim did care, Lily cancels her dinner plans to spend the time with her dying father.
Logline: A woman gets the dream of a lifetime, to coach an NFL team. But, not everyone is happy about rocking the boys boat.
Christine, the daughter of an assistant coach wants to play football, it’s her desire and passion, she’s also excellent at it. When her father dies, her mother takes her to try out for his coach who basically says “girls can’t play.” But, he notices her talent. She makes the JV team in middle school, goes on to be varsity kicker in high school, and they win state by her kick. But, there’s no place for her in college football. After this opening, the action cuts back and forth between the present, and opening day of the local NFL team (a losing team for years) and their new stadium. Opening Day Scenario: Christine is exuberant about the new stadium and opening day. Her husband Ian (husband), daughter Bret (16), son Johnny 14 are not. At the tailgating party we meet their friends Luke and Julie. The team’s coach Skip (a drunk) gives the starting QB position to the veteran Buck, pissing off the highly regarded, and expensive rookie Jettler. The team executives Taylor, Bob and Paul argue about why the team still sucks, pointing fingers at each other. Taylor’s mom calls in after the team loses and threatens all their jobs if they don’t turn the team around. Kimberly the local reporter interviews angry fans after a humiliating 35 – 0 opening day defeat. One of those fans is Christine. Later on the manager’s show, Christine calls in and blasts Skip with all he did wrong as coach. Skip quits. The executives hear this and come up with an idea. Present Day Scenario: Christine is coaching the team, and they win. The NFL commissioner isn’t happy about a woman making fools out of a men’s game. He wants her gone anyway possible.
Logline: A family's lake house vacation is interupped by something living in the woods.
A mother (Lynn) takes her 16 year old daughter(Monica) and 10 year old son (Darren) on vacation to a lake house. They arrive at night, and as the kids get the last of the luggage from the car, Monica grabs Darren and tells him to listen, she hears something. She screams. He runs in the house terrified. Monica had a good laugh at Darren's expense. That night Darren looks out the window and believes he sees a pair of red eyes in the darkness. He hears animal panting. The following morning he tells his mother, but she explains it's just the wind and Monica getting into his head. That night they lay out by the lake. Mom wants to go to the house, and asks the boy if he wants to stay. He's frightened of the monster. But, mom explains it's just Monica getting in his head. She gives Monica a flashlight and tells her to watch after her brother. She goes back to the house. Later, Mom is sitting outside reading a novel and drinking wine. She hears Darren yell at his sister. Then she hears Monica yell for help. Lynn takes off for the lake, she finds the flashlight and heads in the direction of sounds. She finds Darren eating his sister. He then comes after mom.