Claire Benedix

Establishing Shot

Reviewer Rating: | Screenplays: 7 | Reviews: 5

Following

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a feature script
3 weeks ago
Via Graceland feature
Genre: Drama,Comedy
For Elvis obsessed gambler Eddie, the down and out may be the only way out.
Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a short script
3 weeks ago
Rearview short
Genre: Drama
A young woman learns how to move on from a sudden ending to a relationship with help from her friends and learning to look for the good parts of your past.
Claire Benedix completed a review for
4 weeks ago
The Sacrifice short
Genre: Drama,Horror
Review Rating:
A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.

Right off the bat, the abortion scene made me question your knowledge of "hanger abortions". As a 13 year old, I question her ability to understand her own complex reproductive system. I would research a bit more on the accuracy of someone's ability to perform this to themselves without puncturing their internal organs and bleeding out on the spot or getting it stuck in their cervix. Other than that, I thought the concept was good...upsetting, but good. It left me wondering the situation in which she was in (rape, boyfriend, etc.) I felt for Anna and was able to imagine Kathleen before she even spoke. Your descriptions are pretty spot on. As for the technical bit, your writing is very good and smooth, but the dialogue can seem a bit lacking. I definitely don't want to tell you how to structure your short, but I think the strongest aspect of your script is the disciplined disconnect between Anna and Kathleen. I almost want Anna and Kathleen to not be in the same scene together until the end. By that, I mean structure your pilot as Kathleen coming home and talking to Anna from downstairs or through a wall as Anna performs the abortion or cleans up blood or something. Their whole conversation could be separated by a door/wall/etc to have a physical separation and disconnect. Just a suggestion. I look forward to seeing how this continues to evolve as a story and you as a writer. One question left, the title... It's really good. It's short, simple, and not exactly to the point. I started asking myself, "What is the sacrifice? Did Anna want to have the child and she is sacrificing that for her mother's approval? Is she sacrificing her potential to have children in the future?"

Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
The Sacrifice short
Genre: Drama,Horror
A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.
Claire Benedix completed a review for
1 month ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Review Rating:
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.

I'll get right into it. I know asking for reviews on your first couple pages may be exciting; you want to know if the concept is good enough to keep going, but at least make sure your formatting and grammar are great before requesting. I suggest you go back and edit all of your typos before requesting another review. Your descriptions often run into each other like run-on sentences. Your use of multiple question and exclamation marks is very amateur. Another give away is your song suggestion. Very rarely do directors want you to include your own song choice like "Conscience by Melissa Fine plays". I say you need to work on dialogue the most. I was confused a lot. You jump around. You have characters make assumptions that have no foundation to make those foundations. (Ex. M knows about Bond's dream. But, how would she have known about the dream? He only just talked about it with Miss Moneypenny.) Another item, in that scene, you write, "Bond enters the room". This would be another scene heading as the room is another scene such as INT. M's OFFICE - AFTERNOON. Overall, the concept that Bond has been potentially brainwashed is really interesting, although the whole "decoy" is fairly unbelievable. Keep working and outline where you want to go with the story. Get to know your characters. How will you make these iconic characters truly yours? What sets you apart in terms of story line?

A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.
A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.

Screenplays

Malled to Death
TV Series

Draft #5 | Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Rating is only available to members
2 weeks ago | 1 reviews | 31 pages
SHOW MORE
Draft #1 | Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | reviews | 18 pages
SHOW MORE

Reviews

Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 1 reviews | 97 pages

Angels Can Die
TV Series

Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 1 reviews | 56 pages
SHOW MORE
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 5 reviews | 9 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 3 reviews | 4 pages

Rearview
Short

Rating is only available to members
4 weeks ago | 1 reviews | 10 pages
SHOW MORE

Claire Benedix

Establishing Shot

Reviewer Rating: | Screenplays: 7 | Reviews: 5

Nothing here.

Following

Screenplays

Malled to Death
TV Series

Draft #5 | Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Rating is only available to members
2 weeks ago | 1 reviews | 31 pages
SHOW MORE
Draft #1 | Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | reviews | 18 pages
SHOW MORE

Reviews

Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 1 reviews | 97 pages

Angels Can Die
TV Series

Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 1 reviews | 56 pages
SHOW MORE
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 5 reviews | 9 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 3 reviews | 4 pages

Rearview
Short

Rating is only available to members
4 weeks ago | 1 reviews | 10 pages
SHOW MORE

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a feature script
3 weeks ago
Via Graceland feature
Genre: Drama,Comedy
For Elvis obsessed gambler Eddie, the down and out may be the only way out.
Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a short script
3 weeks ago
Rearview short
Genre: Drama
A young woman learns how to move on from a sudden ending to a relationship with help from her friends and learning to look for the good parts of your past.
Claire Benedix completed a review for
4 weeks ago
The Sacrifice short
Genre: Drama,Horror
Review Rating:
A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.

Right off the bat, the abortion scene made me question your knowledge of "hanger abortions". As a 13 year old, I question her ability to understand her own complex reproductive system. I would research a bit more on the accuracy of someone's ability to perform this to themselves without puncturing their internal organs and bleeding out on the spot or getting it stuck in their cervix. Other than that, I thought the concept was good...upsetting, but good. It left me wondering the situation in which she was in (rape, boyfriend, etc.) I felt for Anna and was able to imagine Kathleen before she even spoke. Your descriptions are pretty spot on. As for the technical bit, your writing is very good and smooth, but the dialogue can seem a bit lacking. I definitely don't want to tell you how to structure your short, but I think the strongest aspect of your script is the disciplined disconnect between Anna and Kathleen. I almost want Anna and Kathleen to not be in the same scene together until the end. By that, I mean structure your pilot as Kathleen coming home and talking to Anna from downstairs or through a wall as Anna performs the abortion or cleans up blood or something. Their whole conversation could be separated by a door/wall/etc to have a physical separation and disconnect. Just a suggestion. I look forward to seeing how this continues to evolve as a story and you as a writer. One question left, the title... It's really good. It's short, simple, and not exactly to the point. I started asking myself, "What is the sacrifice? Did Anna want to have the child and she is sacrificing that for her mother's approval? Is she sacrificing her potential to have children in the future?"

Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
The Sacrifice short
Genre: Drama,Horror
A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.
Claire Benedix completed a review for
1 month ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Review Rating:
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.

I'll get right into it. I know asking for reviews on your first couple pages may be exciting; you want to know if the concept is good enough to keep going, but at least make sure your formatting and grammar are great before requesting. I suggest you go back and edit all of your typos before requesting another review. Your descriptions often run into each other like run-on sentences. Your use of multiple question and exclamation marks is very amateur. Another give away is your song suggestion. Very rarely do directors want you to include your own song choice like "Conscience by Melissa Fine plays". I say you need to work on dialogue the most. I was confused a lot. You jump around. You have characters make assumptions that have no foundation to make those foundations. (Ex. M knows about Bond's dream. But, how would she have known about the dream? He only just talked about it with Miss Moneypenny.) Another item, in that scene, you write, "Bond enters the room". This would be another scene heading as the room is another scene such as INT. M's OFFICE - AFTERNOON. Overall, the concept that Bond has been potentially brainwashed is really interesting, although the whole "decoy" is fairly unbelievable. Keep working and outline where you want to go with the story. Get to know your characters. How will you make these iconic characters truly yours? What sets you apart in terms of story line?

A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
Claire Benedix just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.
A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.
A review was just purchased for a television script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
tv series
Genre: Comedy
Entitled customers, deranged managers, and after hours hide-and-seek are just a few of the antics included in a typical day for a group of minimum wage employees at a dying mall.