mike harper

Super Imposer

Reviewer Rating: | Screenplays: 35 | Reviews: 19
Enjoys:
sci-fi
romance
action
horror
fantasy

I'm just a simple man. I work, I raise six sons, and I love my island wife hard. I go day by day fighting off the specter of battles both from my youth in Chicago to the battlefields in the Middle East. I abide by strong Catholic Christian core beliefs to love and accept even the folks that I'd want to throw piranas in their face and let their bodies lie in a pool filled with killer vampire gummi bears. I am nowhere near an aspiring writer nor want to enter the fray of the film industry. I would just like to one day see something on the big screen and say the same thing I did in countless places around the world...I made that. =) I have a hidden hobby of screenplay writing or jotting down creative ideas that may one day be passed along or found in a glass bottle floating in the sea. If by chance money can come my way from a poor script, I would be satisfied. As much as one can be swinging in a hammock by the side of the beach on a warm day with a cold glass of iced tea in hand. Thus, I am a simple man. Honor, noble, and a side of wickedness that comes out from time to time to keep life interesting and not boring.

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
3 days ago
feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle evil to save the love of his life.
mike harper completed a review for
1 week ago
Ghost Child feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Review Rating:
After an influx of refugees leads to a viral epidemic, it's up to one boy who has hidden himself to save everyone in a future utopian city.

The chase scene across the savannah was a great hook. Who is the boy running from? Why are they chasing him? The fact that the pursuers are in a hovercraft told me this is a Syfy future story. The switch to AKUJI, WIFE, SON, and DAUGHTER was a nice transition until on page 2 Ayo, the boy was inserted into the story suddenly. I wondered why it was flowing smoothly until that moment. Is this the boy from the beginning of the story or the son of Akuji? The story flowed again, then Alex -- Alexa was introduced. What is her age? What is the deal between her and Akuji? The dialogue was great, but it felt like something was missing. Later in the story, Akuji is capturing someone after dinner with Ayo and his family. ??"Akuji, Zoya, and his father through a window of his house." --then who is Ayo's father? Then the (Malikoran Dialect appeared. This was not mentioned before nor introduced. What does it sound like? If it's an African type of dialect, give us something a non-native will relate to. Oz was inserted into the story through Kali's dialogue but when she enters the police headquarters (I assume she's an officer of the law? But without minor details I had to piece it together), I had no idea how old, or what he looks like. Tall, short, bald, hairy, old, middle-aged? Ayo handed the cam-watch when he was little, then years after he's in a cave? This jumped around for me to understand. I understand where you were trying to go, I think... but an audience may not. The flow of action scenes was fantastic. Particularly toward the end. Great job! Maybe a SCREENPLAY TREATMENT would help us keep the various locations and characters straight. You had a compelling, complex story. I love the fact it was afro-centric science fiction. There were a few minor spaces at the start of some paragraphs that can be easily corrected. This may be fast typing or the software used to spell/grammar check. The action tense, the plot, the whole darn screenplay was great save for the items I had opinions on. I know the script lands at the 106 mark, but maybe a few more details to close the story out could answer some questions like the impact of Ayo's parents, Zoya's arm, and then a movie is born.

mike harper just claimed a review for a feature script
1 week ago
Ghost Child feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
After an influx of refugees leads to a viral epidemic, it's up to one boy who has hidden himself to save everyone in a future utopian city.
mike harper uploaded a feature screenplay
1 week ago
The First Mage feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle two fallen angels, descendants of Cain, and monsters, otherwise mankind will never claim dominion of Earth.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
3 weeks ago
feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Romance,Drama
In a world much like ours, a woman is pulled into events that will forever change her life on her 25th birthday.
mike harper completed a review for
1 month ago
Cut theBlue Wire feature
Genre: Thriller
Review Rating:
Maverick bomb-squad guru and avid pot-head Chase Malachi must dismantle a self replicating, psychosis inducing doomsday device that reduces entire universes to sub-atomic dust.

This was a decent sci-fi/horror-esque script. Movies like “The Mist” and “The Thing” came to mind with a touch of “Speed” (bomb demolition) as I read through this. High concepts and cosmic threats on par with Lovecraftian horror are difficult to show on the screen. With the right industrial special effects team and director, I can see this can be a feature film. The challenge is to make sure it does not get a B level movie unless you foresee it becoming a cult classic. I didn’t feel much empathy for Chase or Faith within the first 20 pages. Why is Chase an EOD pothead and how is he able to keep his job if he’s doing drugs? Why was there animosity between him and the Captain? Not only that it is 100% unrealistic that a Captain would speak so horrible to his subordinates, no matter how genius they are. Maybe you can dwell into a bit more of the relationship? The dialogue had a lot of clichés, even for “colorful language”. You had a good flow of active voice. Your concept in the third act needs some re-work. Just take a look at what your end goal you have and work backward to make the movie/story flow better and not disjointed (no pun intended). I recommend running your script through Grammarly or a document editor. There were a lot of punctuation, spelling, capitalization errors. There were a few areas of formatting errors. I’ll give examples below. Some of your dialogue did not come off as sounding natural or too On-The-Nose. On page 52 Faith’s dialogue changed in tone and pace. It didn’t sound like her from when you introduced her. It felt out of place. Types of Dialogue • Chit-Chat/Small Talk: is everyday direct small talk and simple question and answer conversation that in the real world starts up a conversation. A character asks a question another character answers it. This is POISON to your script. After a few boring lines of this, the reader will conclude that you are not a screenwriter and toss your script. • On-The-Nose/Direct Dialogue: is when people stay on the same topic and responses directly to what has just been said. It is usually predictable because each person is on the same topic and they get into a groove of speaking so the other person often can predict what they will say which is usually some cliché, so they don’t have to think. • Exposition/Informational Dialogue: it is Dialogue that supplies information that normally no person would say. (e.g., If you are talking to your brother and sister and say, ‘Joan you are my sister and twenty-five years old with two kids. we just want you to tell John here, my dear brother who’s also is married with two kids, that we think he’s crazy.) It is Dialogue that supplies facts that a person wouldn’t normally convey but the writer feels necessary to supply for their story to make sense. • Oblique/Indirect Dialogue: is where each person has their own agenda and is not usually interested in what the other person is saying or they wish to divert the conversation in a different direction. This is usually unpredictable keeping the reader guessing. It is not informational, compresses the story, and is interesting. • Subtext: is the message/thoughts/emotions underneath the actual words, something hidden beneath or behind the words of what is said. The real meaning behind the words. A character who says one thing but implies another is using subtext. • Foretelling: Telling information about a possible outcome of events in the future. I saw this with your Star Trek The Next Generation in the background clip. Errors I noticed: “Chase ¬uses¬ the¬ closest ¬of ¬the ¬lingering ¬flames ¬to ¬re-light his ¬JOINT, ¬and ¬take ¬another¬ PUFF,¬ as ¬the -voice ¬of ¬DEVON, who ¬says ¬with ¬his ¬typical ¬urban ¬bravado,” [when did Chase take the first Puff? ‘urban bravado’ is a nice term.] “..whose nameplates on the Kennels read whose nameplates on the Kennels read Fat Man and Little Boy, Who jump and PRANCE excitedly as Chase puts leashes on them and leads them out the door.” [emphasis on prance isn’t necessary. Sounds you want to focus on is what you should emphasize. Capitalization of Kennels is unneeded.] you can say "white people" or another jargon that will flush out Devon's character. Even though we don't see him, is he based on someone you know or see? Make him 'believable'. Saying Caucasian is a stilted and unnatural way for someone to speak. Would you hear this in real life? Watch your grammar on page 4 and 5. There were some minor errors. Rule of thumb: don't tell the director the camera angle. you can stress the prescriptive by saying that “Chase stares at the reflection of the clear sky in contemplation." Just say the "most racist white voice". some readers will not know what "honkiest" means. if they don't know it, they'll skim over it or have to look p the definition, which takes them away from visualizing your story. On page 9, Chase approaches the device. - We already know he carries the tools of his trade, no need to repeat it or state the obvious. The metaphor of “wrinkling cellophane” was very nice. It gave me an immediate sound association. On page 16, “A CRAZED MAN,(an early victim of graviton psychosis) in (an early victim of graviton psychosis)…” [imply this, don't state it. How would an audience member SEE this?] Again, re-look at your dialogue. “You're a worm ridden dog shit!! You're a shot of fuck shot of fuck-foam that should have wound up on your mamma's back!! The stink of my ass is a too good ass is too good for you! I shit on for you! I shit on your beliefs!! I wipe my ass with your hopes and dreams!!” [This was too far outfield of a normal asshole rant.] Page 25, Devon’s dialogue was too expository. Page 43, Look at your slugline “Int. Chase’s Bedroom – Morning”. The format was not right. Page 58, How would an alien get KEYED UP? Also, it was too out-of-place with the sex scene. If there was such a cosmic threat, why would anyone have a libido, or waste time, even if this was some side effect of the radiation for her as an alien? Moreover, would she be biologically driven or able to mate with a human? You’d think she wouldn’t be sexually attracted to humans. Page 60, fire escape? sounds believable if she says "exit!" and during a panic, no one would have time to get dressed. You included a few bible verses and alluded to Job from the bible. Think about the backstory of your characters and see if this fits them. I hope some of this helps you and this becomes a movie.

mike harper just claimed a review for a feature script
1 month ago
Cut theBlue Wire feature
Genre: Thriller
Maverick bomb-squad guru and avid pot-head Chase Malachi must dismantle a self replicating, psychosis inducing doomsday device that reduces entire universes to sub-atomic dust.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Romance,Drama
In a world much like ours, a woman is pulled into events that will forever change her life on her 25th birthday.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Horror
They were once sentinels to protect humanity. That era is over. The werewolf apocalypse has begun.
mike harper completed a review for
1 month ago
Faces of Fairfax - ep.1 - “Act Like Nothing’s Wrong” tv series
Genre: Horror,Drama,Thriller
Review Rating:
Teenage Claire Hasley, a sufferer of social anxiety, faces her worst fears in the town of Fairfax, where a once buried malevolence quietly consumes the townspeople and acts out their societal roles.

This is a horrifying premise. However, the concept should be examined some more. You can take cues from the American Horror Story, Youtube's Shudder and ALTER, Salem, and Channel Zero (anthology series). There are some fundamental errors in your script. I recommend running it through a grammar program (Grammarly is good), a passive voice detector (https://datayze.com/passive-voice-detector.php), and punctuation/spelling check. There was a LOT of white space between your lines. To help with that, you can use WriterDuet or RawScript or purchase a script software. This script has missing page numbers. recommend placing scene numbers at the SLUGLINES to help future analysts and producers to quickly identify a scene and plot beat. You forgot to add in the FADE IN: at the start of the script. Overusing transitions. SLAM CUT TO… DISSOLVE TO… CUT TO… you shouldn’t be writing any of these words. It was traditional, in the past, to write “CUT TO” right before every new slugline, but today’s industry always favors the deletion of anything unnecessary. Since we’re switching to a new slugline, it’s obvious we’re cutting. A lot of the dialogue was On-The-Nose/Direct Dialogue: is when people stay on the same topic and responses directly to what has just been said. It is usually predictable because each person is on the same topic and they get into a groove of speaking so the other person often can predict what they will say which is usually some cliché, so they don’t have to think. There were a few Chit-Chat/Small Talk: is everyday direct small talk and simple question and answer conversation that in the real world starts up a conversation. A character asks a question another character answers it. This is POISON to your script. After a few boring lines of this, the reader will conclude that you are not a screenwriter and toss your script. We need to have a clue of what Claire's problem is by the first 10 pages, otherwise, your audience will tune out. Be aware that the words "is", "are", words ending in "-ly" are passive and need to be changed to Active. Feel free to describe emotional trigger words (you can find lists of these on the internet) that will give direction to your actor. I’d rewrite without the word 'we' for whatever the camera sees. Add more tension beyond the gore. You can build a stronger push-pull dynamic with Jennifer and Claire. Maybe have Claire is not the heroine, but abandons everybody out of self-preservation. You should not reference specific songs in a script. A screenwriter does not dictate what music ends up in a movie. Studios have their own music licensing departments that handle all that. There are licensing fees that would have to be paid for the use of someone's music. If you want a certain tone/genre of music, then write it as MUSIC CUE: or DARK INDIE MUSIC plays. If you need help, there are a lot of script samples and internet troves to look through. Your better off writing “Heavy base rap song plays in the b.g” then taking a chance of the executive not knowing who Kendrick Lamar is. https://www.stage32.com/lounge/screenwriting/How-to-write-characters-emotional-reactions-in-a-screenplay I hope this analysis and critique helps you.

Screenplays

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Rise
Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: Horror
On an Pan-Pacific flight, a supernatural creature plague passengers. They soon discover that this was a prelude to something much worse to come.
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | reviews | 46 pages
Draft #1 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
AGÑASIÑA must save her husband from government forces after their spaceship crashlands before time runs out.
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | reviews | 96 pages
Draft #4 | Genre: Horror
They were once sentinels to protect humanity. That era is over. The werewolf apocalypse has begun.
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 1 reviews | 75 pages

Aberrant
Feature

Draft #5 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Romance,Drama
In a world much like ours, a woman is pulled into events that will forever change her life on her 25th birthday.
Rating is only available to members
3 weeks ago | reviews | 118 pages

Journey
Feature

Draft #2 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Henry and Hope are thrust into a journey of wonders and dangers as they shrink through the quantum multi-universe wondering if they will make it back home.
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | reviews | 67 pages
Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller
Mia doesn't know it, but she's the last of the 36 righteous women that hold back God's wrath on humankind.
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | reviews | 35 pages

The First Mage
Feature

Draft #2 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle evil to save the love of his life.
Rating is only available to members
3 days ago | reviews | 65 pages
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Reviews

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5 months ago | 1 reviews | 140 pages
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5 months ago | 4 reviews | 37 pages
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1 year ago | 2 reviews | 120 pages

EON
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 4 reviews | 122 pages

PAURA
Short

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 19 reviews | 3 pages
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 1 reviews | 32 pages

Dream of Mirrors
TV Series

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Mystery/Suspense,Horror
The future is always changed by the past when it comes to Adam and Eve.
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 2 reviews | 52 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 1 reviews | 15 pages

Ascension
Feature

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1 year ago | 1 reviews | 117 pages
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5 months ago | 1 reviews | 20 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 4 reviews | 10 pages

Bound by Blood
Feature

Rating is only available to members
6 months ago | 1 reviews | 114 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 119 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 106 pages

Ghost Child
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 107 pages
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mike harper

Super Imposer

Reviewer Rating: | Screenplays: 35 | Reviews: 19
Enjoys:
sci-fi
romance
action
horror
fantasy

I'm just a simple man. I work, I raise six sons, and I love my island wife hard. I go day by day fighting off the specter of battles both from my youth in Chicago to the battlefields in the Middle East. I abide by strong Catholic Christian core beliefs to love and accept even the folks that I'd want to throw piranas in their face and let their bodies lie in a pool filled with killer vampire gummi bears. I am nowhere near an aspiring writer nor want to enter the fray of the film industry. I would just like to one day see something on the big screen and say the same thing I did in countless places around the world...I made that. =) I have a hidden hobby of screenplay writing or jotting down creative ideas that may one day be passed along or found in a glass bottle floating in the sea. If by chance money can come my way from a poor script, I would be satisfied. As much as one can be swinging in a hammock by the side of the beach on a warm day with a cold glass of iced tea in hand. Thus, I am a simple man. Honor, noble, and a side of wickedness that comes out from time to time to keep life interesting and not boring.

Screenplays

SHOW MORE

Rise
Feature

Draft #1 | Genre: Horror
On an Pan-Pacific flight, a supernatural creature plague passengers. They soon discover that this was a prelude to something much worse to come.
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | reviews | 46 pages
Draft #1 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
AGÑASIÑA must save her husband from government forces after their spaceship crashlands before time runs out.
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | reviews | 96 pages
Draft #4 | Genre: Horror
They were once sentinels to protect humanity. That era is over. The werewolf apocalypse has begun.
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 1 reviews | 75 pages

Aberrant
Feature

Draft #5 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Romance,Drama
In a world much like ours, a woman is pulled into events that will forever change her life on her 25th birthday.
Rating is only available to members
3 weeks ago | reviews | 118 pages

Journey
Feature

Draft #2 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Henry and Hope are thrust into a journey of wonders and dangers as they shrink through the quantum multi-universe wondering if they will make it back home.
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | reviews | 67 pages
Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller
Mia doesn't know it, but she's the last of the 36 righteous women that hold back God's wrath on humankind.
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | reviews | 35 pages

The First Mage
Feature

Draft #2 | Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle evil to save the love of his life.
Rating is only available to members
3 days ago | reviews | 65 pages
SHOW MORE

Reviews

Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 1 reviews | 140 pages
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Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 4 reviews | 37 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 120 pages

EON
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 4 reviews | 122 pages

PAURA
Short

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 19 reviews | 3 pages
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 1 reviews | 32 pages

Dream of Mirrors
TV Series

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Mystery/Suspense,Horror
The future is always changed by the past when it comes to Adam and Eve.
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 2 reviews | 52 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 1 reviews | 15 pages

Ascension
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 1 reviews | 117 pages
Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 1 reviews | 20 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 4 reviews | 10 pages

Bound by Blood
Feature

Rating is only available to members
6 months ago | 1 reviews | 114 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 119 pages
Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 106 pages

Ghost Child
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 107 pages
SHOW MORE

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
3 days ago
feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle evil to save the love of his life.
mike harper completed a review for
1 week ago
Ghost Child feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Review Rating:
After an influx of refugees leads to a viral epidemic, it's up to one boy who has hidden himself to save everyone in a future utopian city.

The chase scene across the savannah was a great hook. Who is the boy running from? Why are they chasing him? The fact that the pursuers are in a hovercraft told me this is a Syfy future story. The switch to AKUJI, WIFE, SON, and DAUGHTER was a nice transition until on page 2 Ayo, the boy was inserted into the story suddenly. I wondered why it was flowing smoothly until that moment. Is this the boy from the beginning of the story or the son of Akuji? The story flowed again, then Alex -- Alexa was introduced. What is her age? What is the deal between her and Akuji? The dialogue was great, but it felt like something was missing. Later in the story, Akuji is capturing someone after dinner with Ayo and his family. ??"Akuji, Zoya, and his father through a window of his house." --then who is Ayo's father? Then the (Malikoran Dialect appeared. This was not mentioned before nor introduced. What does it sound like? If it's an African type of dialect, give us something a non-native will relate to. Oz was inserted into the story through Kali's dialogue but when she enters the police headquarters (I assume she's an officer of the law? But without minor details I had to piece it together), I had no idea how old, or what he looks like. Tall, short, bald, hairy, old, middle-aged? Ayo handed the cam-watch when he was little, then years after he's in a cave? This jumped around for me to understand. I understand where you were trying to go, I think... but an audience may not. The flow of action scenes was fantastic. Particularly toward the end. Great job! Maybe a SCREENPLAY TREATMENT would help us keep the various locations and characters straight. You had a compelling, complex story. I love the fact it was afro-centric science fiction. There were a few minor spaces at the start of some paragraphs that can be easily corrected. This may be fast typing or the software used to spell/grammar check. The action tense, the plot, the whole darn screenplay was great save for the items I had opinions on. I know the script lands at the 106 mark, but maybe a few more details to close the story out could answer some questions like the impact of Ayo's parents, Zoya's arm, and then a movie is born.

mike harper just claimed a review for a feature script
1 week ago
Ghost Child feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
After an influx of refugees leads to a viral epidemic, it's up to one boy who has hidden himself to save everyone in a future utopian city.
mike harper uploaded a feature screenplay
1 week ago
The First Mage feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
In a world where man and magic are new, Enosh must battle two fallen angels, descendants of Cain, and monsters, otherwise mankind will never claim dominion of Earth.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
3 weeks ago
feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Romance,Drama
In a world much like ours, a woman is pulled into events that will forever change her life on her 25th birthday.
mike harper completed a review for
1 month ago
Cut theBlue Wire feature
Genre: Thriller
Review Rating:
Maverick bomb-squad guru and avid pot-head Chase Malachi must dismantle a self replicating, psychosis inducing doomsday device that reduces entire universes to sub-atomic dust.

This was a decent sci-fi/horror-esque script. Movies like “The Mist” and “The Thing” came to mind with a touch of “Speed” (bomb demolition) as I read through this. High concepts and cosmic threats on par with Lovecraftian horror are difficult to show on the screen. With the right industrial special effects team and director, I can see this can be a feature film. The challenge is to make sure it does not get a B level movie unless you foresee it becoming a cult classic. I didn’t feel much empathy for Chase or Faith within the first 20 pages. Why is Chase an EOD pothead and how is he able to keep his job if he’s doing drugs? Why was there animosity between him and the Captain? Not only that it is 100% unrealistic that a Captain would speak so horrible to his subordinates, no matter how genius they are. Maybe you can dwell into a bit more of the relationship? The dialogue had a lot of clichés, even for “colorful language”. You had a good flow of active voice. Your concept in the third act needs some re-work. Just take a look at what your end goal you have and work backward to make the movie/story flow better and not disjointed (no pun intended). I recommend running your script through Grammarly or a document editor. There were a lot of punctuation, spelling, capitalization errors. There were a few areas of formatting errors. I’ll give examples below. Some of your dialogue did not come off as sounding natural or too On-The-Nose. On page 52 Faith’s dialogue changed in tone and pace. It didn’t sound like her from when you introduced her. It felt out of place. Types of Dialogue • Chit-Chat/Small Talk: is everyday direct small talk and simple question and answer conversation that in the real world starts up a conversation. A character asks a question another character answers it. This is POISON to your script. After a few boring lines of this, the reader will conclude that you are not a screenwriter and toss your script. • On-The-Nose/Direct Dialogue: is when people stay on the same topic and responses directly to what has just been said. It is usually predictable because each person is on the same topic and they get into a groove of speaking so the other person often can predict what they will say which is usually some cliché, so they don’t have to think. • Exposition/Informational Dialogue: it is Dialogue that supplies information that normally no person would say. (e.g., If you are talking to your brother and sister and say, ‘Joan you are my sister and twenty-five years old with two kids. we just want you to tell John here, my dear brother who’s also is married with two kids, that we think he’s crazy.) It is Dialogue that supplies facts that a person wouldn’t normally convey but the writer feels necessary to supply for their story to make sense. • Oblique/Indirect Dialogue: is where each person has their own agenda and is not usually interested in what the other person is saying or they wish to divert the conversation in a different direction. This is usually unpredictable keeping the reader guessing. It is not informational, compresses the story, and is interesting. • Subtext: is the message/thoughts/emotions underneath the actual words, something hidden beneath or behind the words of what is said. The real meaning behind the words. A character who says one thing but implies another is using subtext. • Foretelling: Telling information about a possible outcome of events in the future. I saw this with your Star Trek The Next Generation in the background clip. Errors I noticed: “Chase ¬uses¬ the¬ closest ¬of ¬the ¬lingering ¬flames ¬to ¬re-light his ¬JOINT, ¬and ¬take ¬another¬ PUFF,¬ as ¬the -voice ¬of ¬DEVON, who ¬says ¬with ¬his ¬typical ¬urban ¬bravado,” [when did Chase take the first Puff? ‘urban bravado’ is a nice term.] “..whose nameplates on the Kennels read whose nameplates on the Kennels read Fat Man and Little Boy, Who jump and PRANCE excitedly as Chase puts leashes on them and leads them out the door.” [emphasis on prance isn’t necessary. Sounds you want to focus on is what you should emphasize. Capitalization of Kennels is unneeded.] you can say "white people" or another jargon that will flush out Devon's character. Even though we don't see him, is he based on someone you know or see? Make him 'believable'. Saying Caucasian is a stilted and unnatural way for someone to speak. Would you hear this in real life? Watch your grammar on page 4 and 5. There were some minor errors. Rule of thumb: don't tell the director the camera angle. you can stress the prescriptive by saying that “Chase stares at the reflection of the clear sky in contemplation." Just say the "most racist white voice". some readers will not know what "honkiest" means. if they don't know it, they'll skim over it or have to look p the definition, which takes them away from visualizing your story. On page 9, Chase approaches the device. - We already know he carries the tools of his trade, no need to repeat it or state the obvious. The metaphor of “wrinkling cellophane” was very nice. It gave me an immediate sound association. On page 16, “A CRAZED MAN,(an early victim of graviton psychosis) in (an early victim of graviton psychosis)…” [imply this, don't state it. How would an audience member SEE this?] Again, re-look at your dialogue. “You're a worm ridden dog shit!! You're a shot of fuck shot of fuck-foam that should have wound up on your mamma's back!! The stink of my ass is a too good ass is too good for you! I shit on for you! I shit on your beliefs!! I wipe my ass with your hopes and dreams!!” [This was too far outfield of a normal asshole rant.] Page 25, Devon’s dialogue was too expository. Page 43, Look at your slugline “Int. Chase’s Bedroom – Morning”. The format was not right. Page 58, How would an alien get KEYED UP? Also, it was too out-of-place with the sex scene. If there was such a cosmic threat, why would anyone have a libido, or waste time, even if this was some side effect of the radiation for her as an alien? Moreover, would she be biologically driven or able to mate with a human? You’d think she wouldn’t be sexually attracted to humans. Page 60, fire escape? sounds believable if she says "exit!" and during a panic, no one would have time to get dressed. You included a few bible verses and alluded to Job from the bible. Think about the backstory of your characters and see if this fits them. I hope some of this helps you and this becomes a movie.

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1 month ago
Cut theBlue Wire feature
Genre: Thriller
Maverick bomb-squad guru and avid pot-head Chase Malachi must dismantle a self replicating, psychosis inducing doomsday device that reduces entire universes to sub-atomic dust.
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feature
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Romance,Drama
In a world much like ours, a woman is pulled into events that will forever change her life on her 25th birthday.
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feature
Genre: Horror
They were once sentinels to protect humanity. That era is over. The werewolf apocalypse has begun.
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1 month ago
Faces of Fairfax - ep.1 - “Act Like Nothing’s Wrong” tv series
Genre: Horror,Drama,Thriller
Review Rating:
Teenage Claire Hasley, a sufferer of social anxiety, faces her worst fears in the town of Fairfax, where a once buried malevolence quietly consumes the townspeople and acts out their societal roles.

This is a horrifying premise. However, the concept should be examined some more. You can take cues from the American Horror Story, Youtube's Shudder and ALTER, Salem, and Channel Zero (anthology series). There are some fundamental errors in your script. I recommend running it through a grammar program (Grammarly is good), a passive voice detector (https://datayze.com/passive-voice-detector.php), and punctuation/spelling check. There was a LOT of white space between your lines. To help with that, you can use WriterDuet or RawScript or purchase a script software. This script has missing page numbers. recommend placing scene numbers at the SLUGLINES to help future analysts and producers to quickly identify a scene and plot beat. You forgot to add in the FADE IN: at the start of the script. Overusing transitions. SLAM CUT TO… DISSOLVE TO… CUT TO… you shouldn’t be writing any of these words. It was traditional, in the past, to write “CUT TO” right before every new slugline, but today’s industry always favors the deletion of anything unnecessary. Since we’re switching to a new slugline, it’s obvious we’re cutting. A lot of the dialogue was On-The-Nose/Direct Dialogue: is when people stay on the same topic and responses directly to what has just been said. It is usually predictable because each person is on the same topic and they get into a groove of speaking so the other person often can predict what they will say which is usually some cliché, so they don’t have to think. There were a few Chit-Chat/Small Talk: is everyday direct small talk and simple question and answer conversation that in the real world starts up a conversation. A character asks a question another character answers it. This is POISON to your script. After a few boring lines of this, the reader will conclude that you are not a screenwriter and toss your script. We need to have a clue of what Claire's problem is by the first 10 pages, otherwise, your audience will tune out. Be aware that the words "is", "are", words ending in "-ly" are passive and need to be changed to Active. Feel free to describe emotional trigger words (you can find lists of these on the internet) that will give direction to your actor. I’d rewrite without the word 'we' for whatever the camera sees. Add more tension beyond the gore. You can build a stronger push-pull dynamic with Jennifer and Claire. Maybe have Claire is not the heroine, but abandons everybody out of self-preservation. You should not reference specific songs in a script. A screenwriter does not dictate what music ends up in a movie. Studios have their own music licensing departments that handle all that. There are licensing fees that would have to be paid for the use of someone's music. If you want a certain tone/genre of music, then write it as MUSIC CUE: or DARK INDIE MUSIC plays. If you need help, there are a lot of script samples and internet troves to look through. Your better off writing “Heavy base rap song plays in the b.g” then taking a chance of the executive not knowing who Kendrick Lamar is. https://www.stage32.com/lounge/screenwriting/How-to-write-characters-emotional-reactions-in-a-screenplay I hope this analysis and critique helps you.