Latest Short Film Scripts
Concept: I've seen several movies about characters getting an inheritance from a deceased loved one, but the inheritance is usually money or a house or land of some kind, but definitely not a gun. The inheritance of the gun is the only somewhat original thing about the concept here. Story: The story wasn't good. I honestly had to stop reading it about halfway through because of how ridiculous and cliche it was. Knowing that the inheritance is a gun is something different, but from what I've read, you took the easy way out and made the dead grandfather possess the gun for evil deeds, just like many, MANY other horror stories. There are way too many horror films in which the nicest people you could meet die and they come back as evil, demonic spirits for literally no reason. You could've gone down the path of Lonnie just straight up loses his sanity and takes it out on his loved ones with the gun in his grandfather's name or something like that. Possession is one of the dumbest and most cliched things to add into a horror story because they are not scary and they are greatly overused. Structure: The story kind of jumps around from scene to scene and it gets hard to follow along with, especially since it feels like I'm reading a book in script format rather than a legitimate script. Some felt like they dragged on and on whereas others felt like they were just unnecessary. Character Development: There was little character development shown. All I got from this was that Lonnie got bullied at school for reasons unknown and that he was close to his grandfather. That and his grandfather did bad stuff and returned to possess a gun for evil. This kind of character development doesn't really make sense to me and needs to be further looked into and explored because, with all that's presented, I didn't care one bit about the characters. Dialogue: A lot of the dialogue came off as unrealistic and even at some points exaggerated. This was one of the main reasons why I couldn't finish the story. The dialogue was ridiculous and it didn't feel like it flowed very well for plot or transitions. Conclusion: A lot of work needs put into this for it to receive better feedback, specifically on originality for storytelling, better character development, and realistic dialogue. There were also several instances of missing punctuation and words that were missing apostrophes, but those are more nitpicks. But that being said, with those changes, this could turn out to be a decent thrilling short story.
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