Overall it was a good concept that happens to need a little bit of work. There were a few grammar issues and formatting issues. Not enough to drive you crazy, but enough to make it noticeable. I liked the concept but it took a little too long for you to care about the character and when you finally do start rooting for them the story ends. It has great potential and is a pretty good read. If they show us more of the realizations and fix the form...
Ben comes to the Fast Lane bowling alley everyday after school, partly because he idolizes amateur bowler, Jenny "The Comet" Cornell, and partly to escape some dark past.
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