In the middle of the night, a young woman and an older one are sitting in silence in the clinic white interior of a pool. Then the young woman leaves a red mark on the glass she drinks on. Then her nose starts bleeding. Then her periods also start trickling alongside her thigh, driving the older woman crazy and leading to a bloody fight that none of them will win.
I think this concept has merit, but it is evident that this concept requires a lot more work than the very spartan amounts of fleshing out that have been completed. You've taken the time to write 5 pages, I feel there is a lot more you can write within the confines of 5 pages and really make this script jump off the page. Unfortunately, based on current format, this is not possible.
That said, my initial impression of this concept was that yo...
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