Jack Napier owns a vineyard in the outskirts of Gotham City, when he finds out there could be deep amethyst crystal mines under his property he asks family friend Bruce Wayne to help fund the excavation when he refuses, things go horribly wrong.
Overall, this story needs to reduce telling and paint a more vivid picture in the reader's mind. I might be wrong, but there's always room for improvement. You're almost halfway there, and I believe the story's quality will rise when you remove the exposition dumps and fix the philosophical conflict.
SCORE BREAKDOWN:
A. Based on the fundamental elements:
Concept: Poor
Story: Fair
Structure: Poor
Character development: Fair
Dialogue:...
In the 16th century African State of Dande, a zealous young warrior must learn to work with a sworn enemy if he is to prevent the demise of his people.
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