Wanna See

The Strength of Others

By Van Lutz

A woman with no self esteem or identity, meets the woman she's always wanted to be.

Draft #1
Peer Rating: 38%
Industry Rating: N/A
3 Reviews | 110 pages | 2 years ago | Draft 1


1. This is a CHARACTER STUDY not 3-Act-Structure.

2. This contains scenes many will find offensive. So, if you have PC tendencies, don't waste your time or my points. Because I will give you a deserved one star for being a script fascist.

3. This is not the type of script you can breeze through. You have to have an acting and director cap to understand each scene. Because the study is not spelled out in poor exposition.

3a) Here's a hint to understanding. Answer the following question and you're well on your way to knowing what's going on. What does the xbox scene mean? If you can't figure this out, you won't get anything else.

4. I like to shoot my own material. So, this isn't something I'm going to be shopping. I'm just looking for intelligent reviews. Which I haven't even come close to receiving so far.

5. My punctuation sucks. But, you could probably tell that from what I wrote above. But, you can still understand it. So...

This is a hell of a pitch.

Industry Reviews

Peer Reviews

Alright. I want to be honest but at the same time I don't want to be an ass.
The concept is not very good but it could be made better.
The first ten pages are not interesting. It didn't draw me in.
The protagonist is good but not compelling enough. Scenes are not very good. Some of it actually. The pacing is nice. But could be better. The ending is good not perfect.
Sorry to say this but the script didn't read well. I was struggling to under...

9 months ago |
Chukwuma Amobi Top Reviewer
(sigh) Ok... where do I start?

So the concept was original but executed so poorly and inconsistently convoluted that I didn't know what to think of it by the end.

Let’s start at the end. When and how did Rachel poison her? There was structurally no way for that to work, it just happens. I had to reread that page about 4 times to make sure I didn’t misread something. MAJOR plothole. And those final pages don’t fit the story at all. It doesn...

9 months ago |
Slugline #1 --who is Sam? Guy or girl?
Dialogue: I'd recommend getting rid of the cliché "Being a woman makes you a woman." - I didn't understand what the man is trying to convey.
pg 5, did not give enough motivation for Sam to react and bolt from the market. The Man being disgusting or triggering her should be made more evident.
pg. 6, Tim should see Sam passed out on the floor than masturbates. It would show more character if Sam is clothed...

9 months ago |
mike harper Top Reviewer

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