A young woman finds out that the biological father she's never known is terminally ill. One of his final requests is to see her before he passes.
A touching short about a father and daughter relationship that only gets a chance to blossom towards the end of the father's life.
The characters seem genuine. Particularly Lily who is understandably “not about” seeing her bio-dad. My issues come with Tim as he feels very flat. His reasoning for not being in her life comes off as one giant excuse. I don’t know how she isn’t able to see this Sorry I was an a...
In all, the script does read well.
Great job Benny.
This is better in the fact that you added some exposition (on-the-nose) dialogue to explain his pitfalls, and some of the questions that I posed in my last review. But, it still contains the same problem. Everything is still explained in dialogue and not...
"Lily" focuses on a universally appealing human moment. The story stays anchored to the concept without any extraneous details.
LOGLINE / FIRST 10%
Your logline presents the basic set-up, but I don't believe that it's as...
1) All the dialogue is on-the-nose.
2) The reasoning behind Roland not being in Lily’s life is very thin, and completely unconvincing.
Also, when she's talking to Tim on the phone he's (OS) or (OC) not (VO). He is interacting with her. But, that...
I’m thinking that structure works, except the ending and Lily’s reversal of emotions came too fast. She should struggle a bit more and feel a terrible loss (that she had hated him for no reason or for not a very good reason). Maybe a few more lines of...
Quite true, the beginning got me to sit but as it progresses, disappointment creeps in.
About the scenes, they are well written with a clear sense of purpose.
And the protagonist is an intriguing character. Finding out about her past made her all the more interesting. Honestly I do feel for her but more could be done to feel more.
The dialogue is good and much of it drives the story.