Cult Kid
television
A teenage boy is forced to be a part of the family cult when all he wants to do is be normal and go to school.
Approved
Winner
Draft #1
Draft #1
5 Reviews |
23 pages |
4 months ago
|
Draft 1
Summary
Danny Nightwing wants three things in life, he wants to go to school, he wants to be like other teenagers, and he wants to kiss girls. However, that's hard to do when your dad is insistent that you be a part of your families cult.
Danny struggles between making his dad happy and doing what he wants, but he seems to finally catch a break when he becomes the cult's oracle (or speaker) for their dark elder God, Bolgothra.
No one can see or hear Bolgothra except for Danny, so being the irresponsible teenager he is, this becomes an excuse to get away with whatever he wants. And his first request is to go to a public high school.
Industry Reviews
Overall CULT KID is an entertaining and funny script, with a couple of moments and scenes that need better crafting. However, it does come over as a short as Danny does address his flaw which in essence finishes the story. If you want to develop it as a TV pilot then I think it will need a lot of thought and replanning as to Danny’s character arc and where the show is going. A good tip when writing pilots is to plan out the character arcs and sto...
2 months ago
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Blaise Hesselgren
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
This was really funny. Not so much in any specific one-liners, but in the overall tone and set-up. I can immediately this, and see how it would be done. It's kind of become an old joke to take classic horror movie shenanigans and play them for deadpan laughs, but the joke is still funny, so why not do it with a cult of Cthulu. The loser teenager who just wants to get with the cute girl while his dad is pushing him into the family business is...
4 months ago
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Kelly Smith
Top Reviewer
I'll start with how original the humor is and how the idea gives you so many options for funny situations. At first I wasn't sure if it's going to be a comedy but at the end I was already. Definitely a very funny and genuine story. Pleasing to read, easy to follow. What you should know is that big pieces of text put together don't appeal to the writer. I saw a few descriptions that were just too much and don't look good. If you've read enough scr...
3 months ago
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Valentin Aleksandrov
Top Reviewer
Hello fellow screenplay writer.
I think the concept is quite original. Although it has some formulaic elements, the use of the dark lord as a figure of tragedy is fresh and appealing. The story appears strong and simple, not prone to confusion or needing clarification. I have no concern about your structure. Technically, it appears that the script is strong. Character development is good because in 23 pages, I feel it is quite difficult to...
I think the concept is quite original. Although it has some formulaic elements, the use of the dark lord as a figure of tragedy is fresh and appealing. The story appears strong and simple, not prone to confusion or needing clarification. I have no concern about your structure. Technically, it appears that the script is strong. Character development is good because in 23 pages, I feel it is quite difficult to...
3 months ago
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read more...
Paul Vecchiet
Top Reviewer
Here were my thoughts on this script:
1. Concept - Although the concept itself isn't original entirely, I did like the fact that you took a comedy approach instead of the overdone horror approach.
2. Story - I thought the story was easy enough to follow, albeit a bit predictable. Despite it's predictability, the story felt like it was at a good pace which is always nice.
3. Structure - Formatting and structuring were good for the most pa...
1. Concept - Although the concept itself isn't original entirely, I did like the fact that you took a comedy approach instead of the overdone horror approach.
2. Story - I thought the story was easy enough to follow, albeit a bit predictable. Despite it's predictability, the story felt like it was at a good pace which is always nice.
3. Structure - Formatting and structuring were good for the most pa...
3 months ago
|
read more...
Cyle Brooks
Top Reviewer
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